Friday, May 30, 2008


By this time y'all know that our skeletal little gov, Charlie Crist was in town. The PJ informed all the good citizens of Indian River County that Mr. Charlie would arrive at 3:55pm Wednesday and Miss Vero decided to send her top correspondent, Lil' Miss Sunshine, out to do some reporting. Lil' Miss Sunshine is a sweet-talkin busty blond that is more welcome at a Republican gatherin than cash money. Ok, maybe not more welcome, but just as.

Lil' Miss Sunshine arrived 30 minutes prior to the ETA only to witness people already leavin the party. Lil' Miss Sunshine reported seeing the Queen Mother of Vero Beach, Miss Alma Lee Loy being escorted to her car and had a pleasant exchange of hellos. Then Li' Miss Sunshine ran into a big time developer friend, who told her that his office received a call about 1:00pm telling him to quick get down to Piper at 2:30. Hmmm....

After sweet talkin the guard, (see, I told y'all she was good at that) Lil' Miss Sunshine proceeded down the tarmac to the event tent. She noticed lots and lots of Piper employees (I think the PJ mentioned over a thousand) in brand spankin new white T-shirts with colorful Piper advertising on the back. They had finished their casting call as extras in the musical "Pay the Piper" and were lining up for free ice cream at the craft services truck.

What she witnessed after that was disturbing, because aside from the Piper extras the only people present were Republican candidates and Media, blowing smoke up each other's behind.

So here's what Miss Vero has to say about this. If all you have is your vote to give the gov, shouldn't it count for somethin? Why was the general public excluded from this event? Why not hold it at Dodger stadium and let all the constituents see their public servant and let all the candidates shake some hands? Why is he just the behind closed doors, Republican's boy and not the Governor of the People of the Great State of Florida?

Mr. Charlie did speak for 5 minutes and apparently had time to sign a few autographs. Take notice kids, that he gave them from behind.


Lookie, lookie, it's Mr. Lemmon. Why is Miss Vero postin this pic, y'all might ask. Well kids, while Lil' Miss Sunshine was out at Piper she spotted Mr. Lemmon, in fact, she stood just a few feet away from him and took his picture! But this is not the picture in question, this is the best picture we could find of Mr. Lemmon. Obviously it was taken a few years back when he worked in Toledo and was honored as "Jackass of the Week", we sure don't know what that was all about, but evidently Mr. Lemmon hates smokers. Check it out for yourselves:

We could not post Lil' Miss Sunshine's photo for two reasons. One, Miss Vero did not ask Mr. Lemmon's permission to do so and being that Miss Vero is polite, we will keep that photo private, unless you beg us to see it and then we'll email it to y'all. And two, we are doing Mr. Lemmon a favor, because well - how can we say this? He is just not the cutest boy in Vero. Lil' Miss Sunshine reports that he is much taller and substantial than we imagined. That's the good news. He is also - how did she put it? "Goofy, like a grown up version of the head AV guy in high school."

Miss Vero is not interested in Mr. Lemmon's looks, we would never fault a person for that, not when we have the sappiest, butt kissing column EVER to read. The references to Michael Jackson and Kool and the Gang make Miss Vero's skin crawl. Seriously, Mr Lemmon, are y'all that un-hip?

At least he mentioned champagne, maybe there's hope. Miss Vero wants to like Mr. Lemmon, we try very, very hard to like Mr. Lemmon, but he makes it very difficult for us. Bless his little Midwestern heart, he sounds like he 's never had any real fun. Miss Vero actually feels a little sorry for him, like a dog that's been hit on the nose one too many times with a rolled up newspaper.


Now this is the real deal - The cutest boy in Vero. He's single, available, smart, just shy enough, well mannered, talented and he's a BARTENDER! Girls, get yourselves down to the Undertow pronto before somebody snaps him up fast. Miss Vero knows, he will not be on the market for long.

Lil' Miss Sunshine made her way down to the Undertow Wednesday afternoon, needin a cocktail badly after that Piper fiasco and talked to some of the beautiful people there. Miss Vero is happy to hear that the owner, Miss Kitty, is a very approachable groovey person who knows how to be hospitable, as well as being top chef. And it was reported to Miss Vero that another wine tasting party is coming up in June. Yeah! We'll keep y'all posted.

Li' Miss Sunshine had such a fabulous time with her posse and met some fierce new friends. There was a whole table of lovely womyn there (luscious young lez-b-anns in Vero, who knew?). Miss Vero is sorry we missed out on all the fun. So, based on Lil' Miss Sunshine's report, we are declaring the Undertow the Epicenter of COOL.


Did any of y'all notice that Sex and the City was playing at 11:59pm last night at the new Majestic in town? Miss Vero just had to check it out and what did we see? A couple of cute girl groups in high heals and more luscious young lez-b-anns kissing in public. Wow, maybe Vero is cooler than we thought!

Miss Vero pretty much knew the plot and just for a piece of trivia- one of Miss Vero's very dear friends is Michael Patrick King's ex-partner. If y'all are a fan of SATC, you'll get it, if not, don't worry. Believe it or not children, Miss Vero was once a resident of the Hills of Beverly and is very familiar and well connected to many celebrity types.

Too bad Mr. Bill DeYoung, didn't respond to Miss Vero's email when he was looking for SATC material. Miss Vero could have given him a big time inside scoop, but no. As per PJ protocol, the mundane must be printed.

There's a lot of web stuff out there, good-n-bad, but we will offer two sources. For the absolutely romantic photos by Annie Leibovitz in Vogue:

And because Miss Vero likes to buy local (and really wants to but for lack of variety) - Feature Editor, Marilyn Bauer, at the PJ, for breaking PJ protocol with a perfectly balanced, crisp, clean review and points for getting the Diane Arbus reference:

All in all, it is what it is - a movie. Dust off a copy of "Sullivan's Travels " to remember why we all love movies. Girls like this kind of movie the way guys like to see stuff blowed up, it's that simple. For Miss Vero, of course it's an excuse for a party and a valid reason to drink a cosmo leisurely. Now, tonight, hundreds of single women will be swarming the mall at the Vero Beach premiere. If-in y'all have any single men friends, tell them to hang out at Friday's - it'll be like shootin fish in a barrel. As for Miss Vero, we will be havin our own little private soiree. Cosmos for everyone!

Bye y'all and thanks so much for all the love, back on Monday.


Thursday, May 29, 2008


Nope, this is NOT in Fellsmere, however, Miss Vero will explain all in due time chickadees.

Yesterday we stuck our tow in the muck that is Fellsmere, but Miss Vero bets that few of y'all know the history of this town. Fellsmere, believe it or not, was once in the running to be the capital of Florida, it sure was conveniently located in the center of the state. Fellsmere also had the distinct honor of having women vote in 1915, four years before the amendment to the constitution. There was a railroad connecting Fellsmere to Sebastian and a cattle trail west to Tampa. There was also another city called Brooksville, which was wiped off the map completely by some nasty Florida weather (sound familiar?). Anyhoo, there's a ton of this sort of info in the Library if-in y'all are interested and Miss Vero has better things to do than to keep teachin y'all history.

What Miss Vero will do is give you a quickie, day tripping tour of what to see and do. First - drive real slow cause the Fellsmere po-po are very attentive to that speed limit thang. In fact get yoself a designated driver because y'all know with Miss Vero, there will be alkeehol involved. Go to Giseppee's and have the best damn pizza in the county. Don't argue with us, it is the best damn pizza.

Then take a little riding tour of downtown on a street known as Broadway, this should take you about a minute. Or, just park and hoof it around but don't miss the historic church or the old Fellsmere Inn that some fool bought from Miss Margaret and thinks they can turn a profit. Miss Vero really liked the days when the previous owner and Fellsmere native, Miss Margaret had her little funky antique shop there. Again, another place with a lot of forgotten history.

By now y'all will have noticed Marsh Landing.

Go on in and look at all the groovey pics and stuff on the walls. Maybe, if-in y'all are lucky, Miss Fran Adams will be there, she is the owner and the Queen of Fellsmere. Start the cocktail hour at their new bar (Miss Vero is thrilled to see Miss Fran serving alkeehol!). Get your driver a sweet tea in a mason jar to sip on. Profusely apologize for not eatin there, not because the food's not fabulous, but because y'all just had the best damn pizza at Guiseppe's and we must save room for alkeehol. Promise Miss Fran y'all will be back and keep that promise.

Now comes the fun part. Drive west on 512 towards nowhere till y'all see the "Sugar Shack" on the right. Sit yoself down at the bar and try to get drunker than the bartender. Just try, Miss Vero can't even do it! and we're not talkin about Big Barb neither. By the way, ask about Big Barb, Miss Vero always liked her. Get everyone riled up big time by askin who "Damian Gilliams" is. This is where the designated driver comes in handy, cause now it's time to go.


Tell your driver that y'all want to go to YeeHaw Junction. Of course the driver will think y'all are stoopid drunk and while this is probably the case, somehow convince them to take you to YeeHaw. At the corner of route 60 and 441, take notice of the Desert Inn, where they "Always pass all health inspections". Good thing cause, y'all might just have to stay there some day, maybe that day.

Drive north on 441 over and under the Florida turnpike that bypassed and thereby killed a town called Kenansville. At the corner of 441 and Canoe Creek Road, take a left.,_Florida

It is there in the ghost town of Kenansville, that you will find two remarkable things. First on the left the (reportedly original) Heartbreak Hotel of Elvis fame. Stop in, somebody fixed it up real cute and they have a little gift shop and everything.

And second, just a little ways down the road, you will see that sign posted at the beginning of today's story, The Lake Marion Restaurant and Grocery - which has the BEST CATFISH IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA! And don't go tellin Miss Vero about Lightsey's down in Okeechobee, we know all about that. Besides, The Lake Marion Restaurant also has the best swamp cabbage. By now y'all should be needin somethin to soak up the alkeehol. Enjoy!

Now go brush up on your Florida history and make Miss Vero proud, cause tomorrow we have a real treat for y'all:


So we'll see y'all tomorrow, right?


Wednesday, May 28, 2008


Well kids, the Press Journal sure does like to report on the misery of poor Mr. Don Studley. Just take a look at this unfortunate fella trying to get his due back from that Ira Hatch pile o'cow plop.

Is that all Miss Vero? No, hunnies, y'all know it's not. Last month the PJ, seeing fit to air everyone's dirty laundry - since there's no news and they hafta fill up space, reported Mr. Studley's dee-vorce AND foreclosure!

Yup, poor, poor, Mr. Studley. Gone are the days when his big ole real estate boomin billboard welcomed northbound I-95 travelers into Indian River County. Miss Vero does not personally know Mr. Studley, but we are thinkin he's probably just a regular hustlin bubba (even if he is a yankee) who got hisself caught up in some Fellsmere muck. At least the Hometown News gave him his propers:


In Mr. Studley's local glory days, he was hooked up with a man by the name of Jeff Parsons. These boys and a woman named Kathy Gates had a little business venture called MESA Park in Fellsmere. They started out booking some mud bog racing or such- things that Miss Vero would have no clue as to the nature of. Then they booked the headliner, Mr. Willie Nelson, (who Miss Vero does know!) for what was promised to be the first of big entertainment to come. Just look at all the opening optimism back in 1998:

Where did all this big time MESA start up money come from? Miss Vero is glad y'all asked, because now we will tell you a little story of some high falutin times back in the gay '90s. There were rumors, if Miss Vero recalls, that project money was connected to the sale of some technology in Vero Beach to the emerging Internet giant AOL. And, since one time AOL captain of industry, Ted Leonis, was the mayor of Orchid Island and facilitated some such deal, Miss Vero tends to think there is sumthin to this. But remember, we said rumors.

Now acquiring funds and managing funds are two different things. And if-in y'all spend your newly acquired windfall like a drunken sailor on leave in Singapore, well...
It just so happens that Mr. Parsons and Mr. Studley were doing a little R&D in Naples, Florida back in '98. Primin the pump to their muddy investment.

And wouldn'tcha know it? Miss Vero was at the same time vacationing at the fabulous Ritz Carlton in Naples. While there, Miss Vero was invited to a decadent little party at a place called "Heaven Cigars" where a private cigar aficionado lounge stocked with flowing champagne awaited us! When we told the hosts that we were from Vero Beach, they asked if we knew Mr. Parsons. It turns out that he was one of their best customers, he even had his name on a brass plated plaque on his private humidor in the cigar vault. In fact, he had just ordered hundreds of personalized cigars to be shipped to Vero. My, the stories they told. Turns out that place also had a few legal issues along the way and ended up being owned by a cocktail waitress who worked there! Miss Vero says good for you, girl!

Very long story some what short, things quickly fell apart for the MESA trio and after hittin the auction block, MESA Park is now ancient history. New interest recently from Fellsmere progress proponent, monopoly player, hotshot City Manager Jason Nunemaker, who has his sites on acquisition:

Now Miss Vero likes to tell this story not to embarrass Mr. Studley, bless his heart, but to admire him. He stayed in Vero, he tried his hand at real estate - it's not his fault the market went sour. And then he sat hisself down on the court house steps with a very lovely pre-printed sign asking for what is his. He sure does seem to be a positive and persistent man and with that ten gallon Stetson, he makes a colorful character in Vero. Good luck to you Mr. Studley, we admire your stayin power.

Miss Vero is thoroughly exhausted by that story and will have to recoup with a little cocktail. Thanks for all the emails kids! And a special hello to Miss Robin, who is trying her best to report on the Book Festival via the PJ, Good luck to you girl!


Tuesday, May 27, 2008



And don't let the screen door hit you on the behind, sugar. Now y'all know kids, Miss Vero is heartbroken to hear the news that the Vero Beach Book Festival will not be happening this year. We just love to see some of our favorite authors in person, especially that cutey-pie serial killer creator, Mr. Tim Dorsey!

But, yes hunnies, we're afraid it's true:

What a paltry piece of information this article has given us and even sadder is the fact that not one comment was posted to it. Miss Vero has sent an email to the writer to request a follow up. HA! We will not be surprised to be ignored.

Last time we checked the Book Festival website, they had at least 50 named volunteers and many authors already committed for 2008.

In fact Miss Vero ran across the the blog of Key West author, Mr. Michael Haskins, who talks about being offered some compensation from other festivals, but would have to bunk it with a buddy in Vero. Don't worry about that any more Mr. Haskins. Miss Vero sure hopes that we are not the one breakin the news to y'all.


Miss Vero, as always, notices the little things like the big sponsor of the Book Festival being the Indian River National Bank, which is now The Royal Bank of Canada or somethin. They call themselves RBC and nowhere on their local website do they mention Canada, but here it is:

Now as y'all may recall Miss Vero certainly has nothin against Canada, as we ourselves, threaten to retreat there often!

However, Mr. Andy Biendorf, former Prez of IRNB, has certainly got his hands full with that PR mess, what with customers scurryin off left and right and some key staff too. Miss Vero noticed the lovely Miss Alice Gaskill has defected to Riverside National, a bank that Miss Vero has never particularly liked, but may reconsider now that Miss Gaskill is in. (Miss Vero remembers many of the officers at the IRNB, but they will certainly not remember Miss Vero).


What do y'all think kids? Did the big money sponsor drop out and now we're all made to suffer? Why is it that Vero Beach cannot get their collective rear ends in gear on these matters? The Book Festival was one event that had the ability to unite everyone- beachies and service class alike, is that why it's failin? It sure did pump some life into downtown. For a minute there Vero Beach was gaining a respectable reputation in the literary world. Even as recent as last Thursday, the Book Festival was still listed on the American Booksellers website:

And why, oh why, is Miss Vero even botherin to ask these silly questions, when we could be doin what we do best - mixin up a martini and forgettin the whole damn thang. We must! If-in we think too much our fool head would explode, so excuse me y'all while I go find some olives.


Friday, May 23, 2008


Y'all know where this is? It's Earl's Hideaway! Miss Vero got these groovy pics offa their website:

Miss Vero loves Earl's for serving alkeehol at 7am! And in all the years Miss Vero has been in and about Indian River County, we've only been tossed outa one establishment and we're proud to say it was Earl's! Yup only once. Just one time there was a teeny, tiny little misunderstanding . But children, that was back in the lazy crazy days of Sebastian and that place and time no longer exists.


These days, Miss Vero gasps in disbelief at the Key West style McMasions, along Indian River drive. We like to take that route when we are going to visit the Count and Countess du Roseland, their tasteful and incredibly artistic home is (thankfully) hidden among the neighborhood. Driving along the river, Miss Vero is reminded of just how cool Sebastian used to be. Change is inevitable, yes, but who'd ever thought they'd see the day when Earl's had a website?

Billing itself as "The Only Biker Bar You Will Ever Need", Earl's has certainly lost it's danger factor over the years. Miss Vero remembers when she first came to town and was warned - "Don't EVER go to Earl's, you'll get stabbed!" To which Miss Vero enthusiastically begged - "Let's Go To Earl's!"
Now that Harley Davidson's are as common as dirt, it seems that anyone with an extra ten grand and a mid life crisis has one. Miss Vero prefers her hog owners to be the old school type. The ones that could make you shake in fear or fall in love, preferably both in the same night. But let's not scoot down that road.


Speaking of manly men, Miss Vero had a pleasant chat yesterday with, pull no punches, Dr. John. Miss Vero and Dr. John have had many good times along that riverfront. Y'all remember Dr. John? Our Love Doctor friend? Refer to our May 9th blog "Vero Porn and the Pursuit of Happiness" if-in you need a refresher. Miss Vero wonders why that WZZR radio station doesn't give him his own damn show? Obviously, there is no lack of people needin a quick dose of mental health care in this area and our Dr. John is just the one to dispense it. That's always the way, isn't it kids? People who make sense are silenced while stupidity reigns.

Speakin of Stoopid -Have a safe weekend children, remember it's amateur time so the Po-Po are out in full force just waitin to give y'all a room at the IRC Inn. Don't be an idiot, hire yourself a damn cab, so much cheaper than a DUI. Miss Vero does NOT know this from experience because we take our own advice. And if any of y'all go to Earl's for their Memorial Day bash, have a cocktail for me.


Thursday, May 22, 2008


Miss Vero does not know how much more of this we can take. We have mentioned the Press Journal's restaurant critic, Diana Foote, five times already for her ridiculous musings. Y'all remember the time she mulled over a decision to wear a fur to lunch in Vero? Read it if you must:

After her little rant yesterday about the Patio (which Miss Vero has thoroughly covered, thank you very much), we are takin off the gloves! Check this out:


This woman is really "Out to lunch" and Miss Vero is gonna prove it. First she name drops Tony Bourdain and then quotes him gushing over the film;

"Ratatouille" "quite simply the best food movie ever made...
the best restaurant movie ever made. The best chef movie."

Oh really? How about mentioning the fact that Mr. Bourdain was paid to be a consultant on this project?

She goes on -supposedly in her own words- to tell you:

"Animation is so advanced now that you could see the old
burns on the arms of the chefs who got too close to the heat."

That's funny, in Mr. Bourdain's original statement he had a similar observation;
"The tiny details are astonishing: The faded burns on the cooks' wrists."

Here's the original article quoting Mr. Bourdain exactly, compare it children, to the garbage that Miss Foote is PAID to produce for the Press Journal.

Apparently you missed the Journalism Ethics 101 class at Vassar, Miss Foote.
Miss Vero is callin you out on the playground girl.

And how dare you, Marilyn Bauer, feature editor for the Press Journal, allow this type of trash to be printed. Being the only paper in town does not give you the right to promote crap, even if it is a dinky restaurant review, have you no standards?
Pul-ease! I beg you, put her out of My Misery!

Will we ever get a decent periodical in this town kids? Ohh wait! Miss Vero just remembered why we started blogging!

Y'all know it's a double martini day don'tcha?


Wednesday, May 21, 2008


Alluding to Mr. Lemmon's column yesterday, Miss Vero does not give a flying rat who becomes the Indian River County Sheriff, but we'll tell y'all who we like - Bill McMullen. Why? 'cause he's cute and single and we can make him blush. That's right, Miss Vero has slipped her arm around that man and made him blush (although Captain McMullen will certainly not remember Miss Vero). Hunney, if this contest were to be had on looks alone, that bubba would win in a heartbeat and just so y'all know, his pictures don't do him justice.

Did we mention he's single? Sorry to spill the beans and maybe some of the more conservative folks don't like that, but Miss Vero sees this as a big plus. A HUGE plus. Who wants a sheriff with a wifey and kids hanging all over him? No sir, a virile, hungry, single man with no curfew, is who I want protecting my assets.

Speaking of huge, it would be a whole lot different than the old days when a very enormous Sheriff Wheeler owned the Tasty-O donut shop. Remember that? Miss Vero does. At least you knew where he was. These days the only time we see the current Sheriff Roy out and about is when he's having dinner with Pastor Buddy Tipton mixing up some faith and politics. Yee Haw and deliver us from Podunkville! Oh children, Miss Vero better mind her manners. We are not afraid of going to Hades, but we are sure nuf afraid of incarceration!

When you voted for a judge a few years back and there were campaign signs all around saying:

"Vote Yacucci"

How did you not double over laughing and crash your car? Now I know there's a lot of y'all from the New York area that get this. When Miss Vero called her Carmella Soprano Cousin in New Jersey and told her that there was a sign in PSL that said "Vote Yacucci", our cousin said "I always do."
Then when Miss Vero explained that this was the name of an actual candidate, Ms. Soprano spit her juicy fruit across the room. Miss Vero's cousin finally begged for mercy when we told her his first name - Phillip. That's right, Phillip Yacucci.

Seriously, all true, we just can't make this up. If-in for some reason you don't understand this story, email miss Vero and we'll explain it sugar.

Y'all know what time it is? That's right, time to cocktail it outa here.


Tuesday, May 20, 2008


Miss Vero just loves these old post cards, this one is titled-
"Fast Growing Business Section- Vero, Beach, Florida."

If y'all want to see it up close, click on this:

Fast growing, huh? Well Miss Vero certainly has issue with that estimation. But since this is another rainy afternoon, Miss Vero thinks we will go downtown anyway to loll about on one of the chaises at the Undertow. We especially like to have a cocktail in a reclining position and then bum a menthol smoke from Ian (when we are tipsy enough to forget that we've quit smoking).

Miss Vero is happy to see the Undertow still in biz. Quite frankly, after the parking and noise Nazis started meddling, we thought they were done for. Apparently, the owner, Miss Kitty has some resources up her sleeve. We certainly think that folding the Blue Starfish into Undertow created a cool hybrid. Miss Vero has had many good times there and we're jonesin for another one of their wine tasting parties. Pretty please?

Miss Vero has to let y'all know that our new friend, Miss Barbara the Real Estate Queen, has got it going on. Time after time, in our searches for all things Vero, Miss Barbara's pages come up, concise, with photos and better than anything else out there. Take a look at her Undertow info:

So yes, Miss Vero has decided that Miss Barbara is a breath of fresh air and has appointed her the newest Real Estate Queen. So all of ya'll saucy glossy Vero Beach Magazine mavens, who pimp that beachfront property- I'm talking to you - Scoot your Lily Pulitzer clad, boney behinds over and make room for Miss Barbara!

Are ya'll wondering what the PJ had to say about Undertow? Are y'all wondering if it was a Diana Foote review? Well children, you know it was! Miss Vero cannot even talk about how silly this is, take a look for yourselves:

Whammy? Bohemian Rhapsody? Now I ask you, is it any wonder that Miss Vero must self medicate with alkeehol on a daily basis?

Before we go, Miss Vero would like to mention another downtown establishment, Bodega Blue, which actually has a decent website:

Miss Vero's secret pal- the Palm Beach Playboy- often brings the stinkiest organic cheese and other gourmet items from Bodega Blue to Miss Vero's little house parties. So a big MWAH to the PB playboy for all the lovin.

And for all y'all who send the love via email, many thanks, hugs and


Monday, May 19, 2008


First of all...
Let's talk about Mr. Lemmon's column yesterday. Mr. Lemmon asserts that there are little or no accommodations in the Vero Beach area, for people with pets. Mr. Lemmon cites only one web site that even Miss Vero knows-in her limited technological grasp-is ad driven. While Miss Vero agrees with Mr. Lemmon's general assertion, that Vero Beach could and should, be offering so much more. Miss Vero must point out, once again, that if one finds themselves here for any length of time, one most become resourceful for entertainment, wants, needs and fun in general.

If y'all are interested, Miss Vero generously provides you with the following pet accommodation info:

The above link details all chain hotels, three of which are in Vero, that are dog friendly. Further research tells us that even upscale hotels such as Caribbean Court are pet friendly:

In addition, you can also take Miss Vero's lead, so to speak, and find yourself a PRIVATE place to stay. Just look at how many lovely pet friendly rentals there are on or Miss Vero and entourage have rented several fabulous houses, all around the state, that have welcomed our little pup-pup. We have even found a retro cool vacation spot (although on the west coast of Florida) that allows our pup-pup to run like a banshee on the beach!

When Miss Vero must leave pup-pup behind it is at the Blue Ribbon Boarding and Doggie day care:
So a shout out to Mr. Martin and Mr. Drew for the wonderful accommodations!


We agree in principle with Mr. Lemmon (stop groaning, or in your case eclipseme, yawning) that the city and county are doing absolutely nothing in terms of economic development. Bye bye baseball, take your pooches elsewhere and if you can't arrive in a private plane or jet, well, what more can we say? But this is nothing new, is it? Miss Vero knows all too well the very powerful beachies and the mighty manicured fist they weild.

Mr. Joe Coakley (who Miss Vero remembers, although Mr. Coakley will not remember Miss Vero) wrote a come-together-kumbaya kinda letter a couple of weeks ago to the PJ and got one angry comment in response.

Miss Vero often wondered, just what types of narcotics has Mr. Coakley acquired to maintain that level of terminal optimism over the years?


Y'all gotta give that crazy Yellow Dog Cafe lady, Miss Nancy, a lot of credit. Ohhh, Miss Vero knows so much doggie dooo about that place! But another time, another time. What we will do, is tell y'all, how you can take your doggie to dinner. The Dog Bar beneath the Yellow Dog Cafe in Malabar, overlooks the Indian River and will serve you and your pampered pooch. They even have a selection of gourmet doggie treats to choose from.

Miss Vero noticed Dr. Dave Weldon, our own republican congressman, in attendance at the ribbon cutting ceremony. That crazy- and Miss Vero knows this for a fact hunnies- crazy, crazy, crazy, Yellow Dog Lady, Miss Nancy, she sure knows how to play her politics and run a restaurant right. Which is why Miss Vero was so surprised to see this review:

And just why hasn't the PJ reviewed the Dog Bar yet? We are not surprised.


Enough dog dirt already, here's the pony part. The TCPalm website had a poll running over the weekend asking if horse racing should be banned. Excuse the shizz outa me and pick it up with a baggie, but didn't Miss Vero cover this on May 5th after the derby and again on May 12th after the Bonnie Erbe editorial? Huh? Didn't we?

Once again, we are forced to self medicate, time for a bloody mary! Miss Vero has to tell y'all, it's soo tiring being right all the time.

Keep those emails comin kids, Miss Vero will answer every damn one of them!


Friday, May 16, 2008


If there were an option for Miss Vero to vote herself off of this tropical purgatory aka Vero Beach - sugar, we would take it! Now you know, Miss Vero has never seen an episode of the television show "Survivor", but apparently an "ex-Vero resident" has won herself a million dollars appearing on this program.

Miss Vero has a few questions. First of all why did the PJ perpetuate this Vero Beach connection, just because it was listed on her "official CBS bio"? And second why did the byline in the second story read Sebastian? The ashram in question is in Roseland -don't everybody don't know that! The poor girl, bless her little hippie heart, left at the age of eleven. Whatever education she got there, might have taught her how to be a survivor, but it didn't teach her any manners. Take a look at this:

And, of course, the real question, why does anybody give a flying rat about all this anyway? If the PJ really wants to entertain us, they should print more stories like this:

The comments alone are heelarious! Who'da thunk there were so many funny people reading the PJ? And NO, I did not have anything to do with this.


Did y'all like the pictures and photos Miss Vero has been posting? Miss Vero is still new to this blogging thang. Because all of y'all crave the content and because Miss Vero is technologically challenged, we are trying to get as much out as we can. We are constantly tweaking and massaging our little production but Miss Vero has been having trouble with formatting and posting of the pictures and links, we try children, we try. So, unless you are a hunky tech geek who is willin to come over here and work shirtless for Miss Vero, just sit back and enjoy the ride. Honestly, the only one that has nit picked is Mr. Lemmon and the visual of him working shirtless is too much to bear.

Here's a shout out to the newest guest of the Beach House, Miss Barbara!
Miss Vero thanks her for her lovely e mail and the link to her blog yesterday.

Miss Vero must now fix herself a cocktail in preparation for the weekend, we will see you again on Monday, kids.


Thursday, May 15, 2008


Miss Vero just loves this old post card photo of the McKee Jungle Gardens. Now of course, it is known as McKee Botanical Gardens. We have the efforts of Miss Alma Lee Loy to thank for saving this historic piece of real estate. Miss Vero knows that Miss Alma Lee Loy is to be respected and feted for livin in and actually caring about Vero Beach for-ev-er. Remember that kids, because it is not often that you will see Miss Vero back down to any one in this town.

Miss Vero mentions McKee because yesterday were talking about the cultural waste land that is Vero Beach. Miss Vero was reminded by a dear friend - Miss Hottentrot, that McKee and the Vero Beach Museum of Art have little cafes that we very much enjoy. Exceptin when it's a million degrees out - like now until November. We also bemoan the fact that no alkeehol is served. At least the yummy food is provided by Chelsea's and we certainly like Chelsea's catering manager, Miss Kate, who Miss Vero remembers (and Miss Kate just might remember Miss Vero) from way back in the old Sand Bar days. Perhaps one day, if Miss Vero is feeling nostalgic and sufficiently plied with enuf alkeehol - and you beg- Miss Vero might tell you about those lazy, crazy days. But not now.

Miss Vero does have to mention the Vero Beach Museum of Art, for providing us with a Warhol or Chihuly fix now and then and believe it or not children, Miss Vero is an actual card carrying member! Yes indeed, Miss Vero is an avid patron of artistic and culinary adventures (and we do not do it to get our picture in that saucy, glossy Vero Beach magazine either). Which is why we were so amused by the dining chimp painting. It's by a Miss Barbara Sharp and displayed at the Arts Mojo gallery in Wabasso. Unfortunately, their website seems to be malfunctioning.

But here's a little blurb about it on one of the ubiquitous Vero Beach real estate blogs:

So Miss Vero will just have to go out on a little expedition to see what's up there. We'll make a day of it and grab some goodies from the Fresh Mozzarella Company as well.

Now if what Mr. Lemmon once said was true - that Miss Vero takes cheap shots, we could suggest that the PJ purchase this painting and use it as their dining critic logo, but Miss Vero would never do such a thing. Why, Miss Vero does not know the meaning of the term "cheap shot", because every shot we do seems to cost at least ten dollars. My, that Patron is getting expensive!

Hmmm, road trip or margarita's? Now we've been tempted.


Wednesday, May 14, 2008


All of y'all that have been reading Miss Vero from the start, know that Miss Vero is sorely needed in this town. Searching around on the almighty Google produces very little in terms of exciting banter and mirth related to Vero Beach. Miss Vero has even noticed (as usual) little things like the stoopid PlanetVero website removing their forum page. Granted, the discussions were pointless at best, but at least people were TALKING. Miss Vero is also aware that our own blogspot is difficult to find, but as mentioned before, we are told it will take at least a month before the search engines pick us up and believe me kids, Miss Vero is not accustomed to that kind of snub, but we are just going to have to deal with it. So please, for now, continue to forward the blog address to your friends:

Better yet, as a goodwill gesture, forward to those who are NOT your friends. At least you'll find out who has a sense of humor in the process.

Is that all there is today? Yes children, that is all Miss Vero can offer. We are proving a point, that there is nothing groovy to do here. Thank the lawd alkeehol is still legal!

To further illustrate the bleakness of our cultural landscape, people who vacationed here once, were forced to create their own fun with a can of beans!

What do you want to talk about honey? Tell Miss Vero, try to keep it polite and no, we're not done playing with Mr. Lemmon yet, he is still our personal cat toy - meow.


Tuesday, May 13, 2008


Last night, Miss Vero had the pleasure of cocktailin at the incredibly artistic home of the Countess de Roseland, where the the topic of discussion turned to politics. No one was in any sort of agreement as to their favorite presidential pony, positive proof that friends can have different opinions without clawing each others eyes out. One of the Countess' guests made a very good point that she would withhold her decision until the candidate's running mates were announced. Miss Vero thinks this to be a wise position, considering that Mr. Gore had chosen Mr. Lieberman in 2000, which was just one more thing to bring him down.

The scuttlebug around town and on the web is that our own Florida gov, Charlie Crist, may be tapped on his skeletal shoulder to assist the ancient Mr. John McCain. Sorry, but Mr. McCain is old and if you haven't noticed, it's because you're old too. If you don't believe Miss Vero, watch this:

The very prestigious St. Petersburg times thinks that Mr. Crist's chances "aren't bad"

After taking a good look at that photo, Miss Vero's gaydar was on high alert and sure enuf, after much web searching, we found a plethora of articles alluding to the fact that Mr. Crist is gay. Finally, some good news!

Imagine if you will:

Mr. Crist becomes Vice President and the old geezer Mr. McCain gets ridden a little too hard in celebration by the current hottie Mrs. McCain (She 'd be so thrilled to add to her vast holdings with a prime piece of DC real estate), and Mr. McCain having a massive coronary kicks it in the act and our little Charlie becomes President! Then, Charlie gets up in front of the whole damn country and announces he's gay, ha, ha, ha and all you red state bigots are just gonna hafta live with it! Dick Cheney threatens to whip out his trusty hunting riffle, but the new Secret Service hog ties him and and makes him Grand Marshall of the gay pride inaugural parade!

Yes, I'm bored, isn't it obvious? Miss Vero is constantly forced into her own world when faced with Vero Beach statistics such as these:

If there was one thing that Miss Vero could do for Mr. Crist, it would be to get him a sandwich. Jumpin-jesus-on-a-pogo-stick! Doesn't that man ever eat? Can't someone find a collar to fit his little chicken neck? What, no gay stylists in Tallahassee? Probably not, Miss Vero has recently spent much time in Tallahassee and wonders how anyone can live there, let alone a decent gay man.

Well kids, Miss Vero has many errands and shopping to do today and cocktail time is calling, so...


Monday, May 12, 2008


Did ya ever ride a train? All of y'all that has their head in the gutter can pull it out right now, because Miss Vero is posing a serious question about a serious subject. We're talking about a real train, with a dining car, a lounge stocked with alkeeholic beverages and a sleeping compartment. The kind of train that one would see in an old movie like "Some Like it Hot". Miss Vero has much experience with the trains of old and continues to be a patron of the train system today. Miss Vero enjoys loadin her ride onto that auto train in Sanford and snuggling into her compartment, waking up in DC the next morning. Unlike the the rail system in Europe and other such civilized places, train travel is undervalued in this country. A few years back Florida voters said yes to high speed rail, only to change their fool minds four years later.

Just think kids, wouldn't it be fun to hop on and get the heck outa town? You can bet your high priced petrol sucking hummer that Miss Vero would be the first to ride and make a party out of it to boot! Yes, we are all for a train to somewhere, anywhere, fast or slow, that is why we were astonished to see this subject favored in a recent PJ op-ed .

What is disheartening to Miss Vero (although not surprising) are some of the dimwitted comments that follow the article. Oh well, we'll just have to go on imagining a monorail down the center of I-95 or a train station in the thriving metropolis of downtown Vero Beach. Ever been to Winter Park, Florida? How cool would Vero be if we replicated that neighborhood?
As Miss Vero's Granmamie used to say "Expect nuthin child and ya never be disappointed".
In this way, our town has never disappointed.

If comedy and serial killers are something that naturally go together in your thinking (as it does in ours), check out Tim Dorsey's train tale "Stingray Shuffle".

As mentioned in our May 7th blog, Miss Vero shifted her allegiance from Mr. Hiaasen to Mr. Dorsey, which has been validated by the fact that Mr. Dorsey is accessible and politely corresponded with Miss Vero (MWAH! to you Mr. Dorsey). Mr. Hiaasen is only reached via his agent or an unnamed Miami Herald editor, which only further proves our point that he has become a Vero Beach elitist.

Miss Vero sincerely hopes that this idea of train travel will pick up steam, so to speak, and discussed this idea while visiting with an uber fabulous friend this weekend- who by the way will be leaving soon to attend the Cannes Film Festival! (Difficult to imagine the ultra liberal chic residing in Indian River county, isn't it kids?) Anyhoo, this fabu -friend tell us the story of a "green train" powered by bio-fuel that will spread love and joy with a series of concerts along the way. It will start out on the west coast - natch - and continue to whistle stop its way all over the country, right up to New England. Guess what state it isn't scheduled for? that's right children, Floriduh.


Wow, after an eye opening editorial by Miss Bonnie Erbe in Saturday's PJ,

(Notice how we have to link to The Monterey Herald, since the article is no where to be found on the sassen, frassen, confound it, TCpalm website. Deep breath, enjoy the Pacific Coastline logo, imagine you are there, ahhhhh.) and an equally eye opening article in this week's TIME,,9171,1738503,00.html

Miss Vero has decided -
Mmm, horse racing is bad m'kay?

Miss Vero will continue to relate to earlier blogs, so pay attention kids.
Now it's time to rev up the blender, Miss Vero believes a batch of Margarita's are in order!
And, yes Mr.Lemmon, it is nice to be a Monday through Friday blogger without a time deadline.


Friday, May 9, 2008


At one time Miss Vero was approached by a friend (who WILL certainly remember Miss Vero, because he is an extremely smart man), askin if Miss Vero had considered becoming a Dominatrix. After all, certainly there was a call for this type of service by the beachies, this friend explained. Being that he is a honest to goodness real psychologist he must know this to be true. And given some lurid stories that Miss Vero has heard over the years - A Mrs. John's Island answering the door and showin a working gal into the study to promptly service Mr. John's Island, a big closet o'porn toys and costumes in another prominent beachie household, you know things like that - we tended to agree. However, having a friendship with a big time Madame in Melbourne, Miss Vero was all too familiar with the ins and out, so to speak, of that business and much preferred to remain fabulous and lush-cious in our own way. For all of y'all that don't know, Miss Vero is a peace lovin, live and let live type, who does not rush to judgement excepting if you are a demented child molester, a puppy kicker or a self proclaimed jesus supports my war republican. Yes, we are talking about the pursuit of happiness today kids - not the pursuit of a penis.

Now this psychologist friend mentioned above, Dr. John, deserves some recognition. One, because Miss Vero absolutely adores him and two, because in the last few years he was featured on a radio program called the "Love Doctors" where, in fact, he is the only actual doctor. Now Miss Vero does not usually listen to this radio program, being a NPR only gal, but Miss Vero would tune in to hear the handsome voice of Dr. John, who happens to be a real man's man, no fooling around kind of guy. Miss Vero will also admit to keepin that radio alternating between WQCS and The Love Doctors during that awful, awful never again time (Sheriff Roy banned the sale of Alkeehol!!) after those hurricanes in 2004.
So a big juicy double MWAH to Dr. John for all of the love.

Oh dear. It seems that Mr. Lemmon might be in a little hot water. Yesterday's opening line certainly pleased Miss Vero, but calls and e mails ranged from howling laughter to scathing critisim of Mr. Lemmon's journalism skills. Thank you to a loyal fan who set the record straight on the TCpalm comment arena.

Miss Vero certainly hopes that Mr. Lemmon has not endangered his lucrative PJ gig or raised the ire and suspicions of Mrs. Lemmon by inadvertently steering readers to a porn site! Yes, it is infinitely more exciting than the current ridiculous discussion of rain barrels, but Miss Vero is certain that Mr. Lemmon was mentioning moi and not some strap on queen from nooyork city.

Hide your eyes children, Miss Vero must now give Mr. Lemmon a mild verbal spanking. Well, well, well. Hmm let's see...If I were a professional journalist, I would do a little digging before publishing my references to a blog. Fabulous as this blog may be, it apparently is too new to pop up in search engines and is eclipsed by the - not so bad actually -porn site of another Miss Vero. But really Mr. Lemmon, this is exactly the sort of thing that you do that caused you to become a blip on Miss Vero's radar screen in the first place. Now that you've opened the door on the Beach House, it would probably be wise to give people the address. And don't worry too much, you will notice that while this blog is geared to an adult audience, Miss Vero never tells lies or uses any cuss words so as not to offend. In fact if one does find themselves offended, we offer this advice. Like with any offensive material that comes streaming in or FOX news, put it down, turn it off, don't read it. Anything else would be censorship and we most definitely do not support that.

Time for a morning mimosa kids, back on Monday.


Thursday, May 8, 2008

Miss Vero found a letter from Mr. Tom Beaver that y'all might like to peruse:
Now we know.


A few weeks ago a sweet little birdie, who is well connected in the medical community, whispered in Miss Vero's ear about an increase in ER visits one night due to some bad crab. Now, Miss Vero well knows that anyone can have a bad reaction to shellfish, but when a double digit number of people find themselves too closely associated with the porcelain god, sumthins up. We wonder, did the crab arrive putrid from the purveyor or are the ingredients being stretched to justify the menu prices? Because this is a complex combination of rumor, gossip and documented fact, we will not reveal the name of the establishment, let's just say it was once St. Tropez or Saint Tropei or whatever we're just too damn hungover to look it up. Anyhoo, Miss Vero has dined there and knows some of the folks that work there - in the kitchen even! So we are chalking this up to a one time unfortunate incident.

Now here's something for y'all that should be provided as a public service by the PJ instead of those silly Diana Foote reviews:
A detailed health code violation report courtesy of The Orlando Sun Sentinal, so much more informative than trip advisor don'tcha think?

Miss Vero is still amused and somewhat perplexed over the Olive Garden's popularity. Yes, more service industry jobs for the community, blah, blah, blah. But that is not our angle, Miss Vero is more interested in cuisine and believes that one would find a more authentic Italian meal at Stella's. Miss Vero has enjoyed dining there on a few occasions including one time while seated next to the table of baseball god Mr. Sandy Koufax! (Vero celebrity name dropping officially completed for today).

Here's a useless yet interesting story: One time a neighbor of Mr. Koufax who was friends with Miss Vero, gave a decorative item to Miss Vero that once belonged to Mr. Koufax. In this six degree of separation way, Miss Vero came to know of Mr. Koufax (It certainly wasn't from baseball). Miss Vero heard many tidbits from this neighbor including the amount of taxes that poor Mr. Koufax had to pay (Lawhdy how we hates that taxman), but at least it was all insignificant and not horrible shizz like this:

Children! Pull today's PJ out of the cat box and read Mr. Lemmon's column!
He begins:

"An assortment of Lemmon Drops while waiting for Miss Vero's next blog entry"

Miss Vero will admit that we were a little cranky today, waking up at the crack of noon with alkeehol leaching out of our pores. But this, boys and girls, has made Miss Vero's day, we are officially a Lemmon dropping! Miss Vero will not be so rude as to deny Mr Lemmon's goodwill gesture.

Mr. Lemmon might actually turn out to be some one who we may like, if indeed the accusations by today's letter writer are true.
Miss Vero does not know or care what in the H. E. double toothpicks this man is talking about only that he called
Mr. Lemmon -

"Press Journal’s leftist paranoid pundit, Russ Lemmon, who also hates the IRNA and urges everyone to run see Michael Moore movies."

If this is indeed true kiddies then it would be Miss Vero who has the crush on Mr. Lemmon. Keep that to yourselves it may just be that all the alkeehol hasn't left Miss Vero's brain yet.

Must go, find aspirin bottle.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Miss Vero is obviously having some technical difficulties today, but we graciously provide you with the content that you crave.
It's like when yo mamma burns the roast after a few too many cocktails and y'all are just gonna have to deal with it for now.



Did any of y'all go see him last night at the Vero Beach Book Center? Miss Vero had a previous engagement and could not attend Mr. Hiaasen's book sale. Miss Vero already has several of Mr. Hiaasen's signed works in her collection and was on the Miami Herald writer's fan wagon for the last twenty years - until now. Yesterday's New York Times sums it up:

"Quail Valley, the Florida golf club where Carl Hiaasen plays, looks like the kind of place where some of the creeps who populate his novels — the environmental despoilers, glad-handing lobbyists and politicians on the take — might belong."
Read the full article if y'all are so inclined:

Mr.Hiaasen moves to Vero, takes up golf and what? Looses his mind apparently. Oh, Carl, may we call you Carl? Miss Vero is deeply distraught over your descent into the dark world and wishes you would come to your fool senses.

Miss Vero supposes that we will have to continue to get our giggle from another favorite Florida boy, Tim Dorsey.
Mr. Dorsey is very well versed in Florida history, yet his knowledge of quirky dive motels and drinking establishments are what entices Miss Vero. We are especially intimate with many of the locations (Oh how we miss The Big Bamboo!)

And so for now, we'll continue to receive some pleasure from Mr. Dorsey. In fact, here's a photo of Mr. Dorsey's fans at the Vero Beach Book Center, if you look real close, you can see Miss Vero!

Mr. Hiaasen has a case of trading old fans for new. This reminds Miss Vero of the story of another writer, Rick Bragg. Now while Mr. Bragg was not from Florida, he was once the Miami Bureau Chief of the New York Times, received the Pulitzer Prize for journalism and wrote well received autobiographical books, that melted many a lady pining for a good Southern man. When the bachelor Mr. Bragg came to town, every seat was filled with squirmin ladies cooing over his drawl and twang. They listened eagerly as he told his tale of his beloved mama and his inability to find the "right one". Long story short - a scandal ensued at the Times, Mr. Bragg was accused of plagiarism and hightailed it back home to Aleebamie. To heal his wounds, Miss Vero speculates, Mr. Bragg married some Tennessee chickadee, which provided further damage to Mr. Bragg's career by alienating his fan base. Miss Vero witnessed three ladies get up and walk right out of Mr. Bragg's speech at the Vero Book Festival when he announced his nuptials!

Speaking of weddings and Vero related authors, Miss Vero noticed Mr. Stuart Woods' recent marriage in the New York Times:
No mention of Mr. Woods' former Orchid Beach residence. Miss Vero wonders why Mr. Woods left Vero for bigger and better places. Perhaps the new Mrs. Woods persuaded him? We think we might like her.

Miss Vero must skidaddle quickly today children, we are meetin a lady friend for lunch at the club over looking a well manicured, resource draining, water sucking golf course. Remember children, if you want to start a revolution, it is better to do it from the inside out. Perhaps this is also Mr. Hiaasen's plan. We can only hope.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008


There are no shortages of celebrities or republican politicians passing through our tony little town, but unlike Rhett Palmer, Miss Vero is not interested in chasing them down. Miss Vero remembers Mr. Palmer (although Mr. Palmer will certainly not remember Miss Vero) way back in the early days when he was riding his hoopdee Continental all over the county, pimping that talk show of his. The success of which is a testament to the level of false Christian patriot rhetoric that mires this county and country alike. Yeah, I just said that.
Sometimes, children, Miss Vero's gin soaked brain has moments of deep and profound clarity, we will try to control it. Just to additionally clarify, Miss Vero has nothing against being Christian or patriotic, but has a real problem with those that manipulate these ideals for their own personal agenda.

Somebody quick mix up a batch of martinis! Once again we are forced to self medicate.

Back to Rhett Palmer. Miss Vero only wishes that she could wave a magic wand and POOF! turn him into this Rhett Palmer:

Miss Vero noticed Mr. Palmer's big half page ad in the PJ touting his interview with the GM of the new Costa d’Este Beach Resort owned by Gloria and Emilio Estefan. Who wants to start a betting pool of how long it will take Mr. Palmer to slither over the garden wall and hunt poor Mr. and Mrs. Estefan down for a real interview. And you hypocritical beachie snobs should get down on your knees and thank them for not hightailin it out of here after you gave them the Brooks Brother clad cold shoulder in 2004. For all of y'all that don't know, Mrs. Estefan was gracious enough to offer her talents for a FREE concert IN VERO BEACH after the 2004 hurricanes to help our county (Oh lawdy did we need it) and she was pooh poohed off in a not so gracious manner.

Where are those martinis! Forget it, make it Mojitos!

Why all the splainin Lucy? Well it seems that our new amigo Mr. Lemmon is confused. He starts his column today by saying (groan):

"An assortment of Lemmon Drops culled on an uneventful Cinco de Mayo: "

Aside from the date snafu, Miss Vero realizes one of Mr. Lemmon's problems. If his Cinco de Mayo was uneventful he was not one of the many who partied with the mariachis at Ay Jalisco last night! Of course Miss Vero was there, fiesta - ing it up! (Note to La Fonda - Great place great food, stoopido to be closed on Cinco de Mayo). And so, Miss Vero suggests to Mr. Lemmon that he acquire some new amigos that will provide him a mucho bueno time and perhaps be so kind as to show him el otro side of this ciudad. Do you think he could handle it? No, Miss Vero doubts it as well, but once again we offer a mano in friendship.

And so concludes our little Spanish lesson for all of our friends who will likely become expats due to the insanity which has taken over. Miss Vero herself is brushing up on her French anticipating the day when we are forced to retreat to Canada!

Thanks for all the luvin children, bless your subversive little hearts!

Monday, May 5, 2008


Yes hunnies, it's true. Miss Vero contacted Mr. Lemmon to let him know that we would be discussing his Vero vocation. Now I know y'all have made a lot of nasty comments about the PJ and it's contributors, especially Mr L., but I have to tell you, Mr. Lemmon seems some what polite. Some what. Mr. Lemmon has made a few suggestions to Miss Vero and here's the gist:

Editing and Style.
Miss Vero agrees that editing should be more of a priority.
Miss Vero will try very hard to take this advise, but as we've stated before, we are only one damn person! Miss Vero concedes that at times we are running crazy like a queen at a Versace clearance sale! Hey, remember when there was a Versace store at the outlet mall for about umm.... a minute?
Yes, yes, edit.
Now in terms of style, we can only reasonably believe that Mr. Lemmon refers to writing style. If Mr. Lemmon is serious about helping Miss Vero with this issue, perhaps he would reserve a copy of "The Elements of Style" at the Vero Beach Book Center. Miss Vero prefers the illustrated Maira Kalman edition, which would be a lovely addition to Miss Vero's collection and would be a welcomed Beach House warming gift. Maybe Mr. Lemmon will even inscribe it!
So little to hope for in this Vero existence.

Mr. Lemmon stated/asked, "You can be humorous without the cheap shots. I mean, aren't you going to look foolish when your identity is revealed?" A statement like this indicates that poor Mr. Lemmon knows absolutely nothing about Miss Vero and her entourage. Stop laughing, c'mon y'all. Really I mean it, stop laughing. You Indian River County anarchists know I'm talking to you.

Miss Vero is very happy that Mr. Lemmon was polite enough to respond and hopes that we can build a bridge of tolerance.

Miss Vero hates sports, all sports, except one. Yes children we do loves us that ole Kentucky Derby! Any sport that requires a fabulous hat, alkeehol and no physical activity on our part is definitely a must. Miss Vero likens this to polo watching, not playing, watching, which we also love.
Snaps to the PJ for providing coverage - oh wait - half a snap it's mostly AP wire reprints. From this info, Miss Vero is very much saddened and sends condolences to Mr. Rick Porter and family in Hobe Sound. Those that know any thing about the horse world, know that most all horse people love, love, love those animals. And those horses, they do love to run.
Now, you've heard Miss Vero mention PETA before and Miss Vero was at one time acquainted with Mr. Dan Matthews, PETA's Senior VP (although Mr. Matthews will certainly not remember Miss Vero).
But Miss Vero is undecided about the group's stance on horse racing, liking it to Mr. Michael Vick's doggie style sport.
Hmmm, we're just not sure, but we do think that the whip should be saved for the ponie play people (Y'all are gonna hafta google this one for yourself, Miss Vero will not provide you with porno links!).
What do y'all think?
Disscuss, report.

Friday, May 2, 2008


But no, today's lesson will be - again- one of history and manners children. This week Miss Vero has dined (or more aptly cocktailed) at several locations. The Vero Beach Hotel and Club, the ill fated Patio, Havana Nights tapas bar and The French Quarter. Miss Vero likes to leave this place on weekends and does not do any cavorting on a Friday or Saturday night, which we prefer to leave to the amateur partying crowd.

Now, the Patio we have already discussed and until Mr. Sexton reveals his plan, or the elusive Mr. Beaver is heard from, we will remain silent, which indeed is a very difficult task for yours truly. However, Miss Vero will continue to be entertained by the by the verbal sparing and comments posted to the TCPalm website.

The French Quarter fare surprisingly pleased Miss Vero and we were very happy to see one of our favorite people Anna, formally of Charlie's South Beach, happily employed there. Miss Vero remembers fondly Charlie's South Beach all the way back to when it was Charlie Browns. But children that is a story of greed where another restaurant owner left his long time employees high and dry, putting the manager of 15 years, Mister Patrick out on the proverbial street. Miss Vero adores Mr. Patrick (although Mister Patrick will certainly not remember Miss Vero) and is pleased to see Mister Patrick now managing Carmel's.

Where was I? Oh yes, the French Quarter. Forgive me children, Miss Vero's trying to mix a batch of bloody marys and let's just say we are not a multitasker. Miss Vero remembers when the current location housed the Blessings Bistro owned by the Jesus Lady. Now the Blessings Bistro is located on the way to the hospital and the food is still very yummy and the Jesus Lady is a wonderful person, bless her heart, who has found her peace in life. That being said, Miss Vero would like to point out that we feel the same way about some one's religion as we do about some one's penis - only bring to light when asked and never, ever, try to shove it down some one else's throat.

Havana Nights and The Vero Beach Hotel and Club are in a different category aren't they? New, shiney, beachie and recently reviewed by Miss Diana Foote.
It is now that Miss Vero will - gasp - apologize, for one should never be too fabulous to admit a mistake. When searching for Miss Foote's musings earlier this week we misspelled her name and became frustrated by a lack of results on the TCPalm website. No wonder, because we are accustomed to being frustrated by the TCPalm website. In the future, Miss Vero will try to be more careful, but alas, we are only one person.

In her review of Maison Martinique, the lovely restaurant where Miss Vero has dined also, Miss Foote begins "If money is no object" - what a silly thing to say to a beachie. Now I ask you, who do you think goes to this place? The same people lining up at the Olive Garden? Miss Vero remembers fondly the original Chez Yannick and many lovely evenings dining by the piano, but that was then and this is now. Anyone who does remember Chez Yannick, knew that they would not be disappointed at all with the new incarnation. Incidentally, Miss Vero has a gal pal who's favorite pastime is playing "spot the working girl" at the tapas bar. Now as previously reported Miss Foote seems to be fashion challenged by Vero Beach, so we politely advise her to dress conservatively when she sets off to do that review.

Miss Foote's review of the Indigo Room at the Vero Beach Hotel and Club bemoaned the lack of service and was corroborated by another patron. Mira, let me splainsumthin to you Lucy, these, girls, servers or the like make somewhere around $3.50 an hour and are considered unskilled labor, but please let Miss Vero break it down even further. There are only two types of restaurant employees, young people who may or may not still be living at home and people who pay their bills this way. Now the young people- and we can't call them college students because there ain't no damn higher schoolin around here, probably are very attractive beachie spawn hired for their terminal perkiness and do not give a hoot that you're paying 40 stinkin dollars for an entree. And the bill payers are eager to help you but have become so jaded by the snooty elitist 15%er's that you can't blame them.

So children what is the moral of today's story? People and places come and go, things change and every dining experience is different. Restaurant reviews are useless, by any one. The bottom ten items of Miss Foote's reviews give the most pertinent information (prices, type of cuisine, operating hours, etc.). Unless you have the palate of James Beard and you don't, who are you to discern the flavors of Dover sole or foie gras (again, anyone ever heard of PETA?). The best way to know is to find out for yourself. Case in point Carraba's is rated #7 while Maison Martinique ranks #14 on The top 20 restaurants in Vero according to trip advisor (Rita's Italian Ice is#20!).
And for the love all humanity, stop treating people in the service industry as servants. Miss Vero likes to share the love with all her dining and drinking cohorts, for without them this truly would be an awful place.

If you were paying attention - and Miss Vero hopes you were - we will not be here for the weekends so you will hear from Miss Vero again on Monday. Be good to each other and if y'all are so inclined, write us a love note.

Thursday, May 1, 2008


Yes my dears, it is true. Miss Vero has a tear in her eye as she reports to you the closing of The Patio Restaurant. Now many people have made snide remarks on the TCPalm website about the roaches and rats and the food being bad, but these are the exact people that Miss Vero would tell to go and forget themselves and Miss Vero does not exactly mean "forget". Hunn-ney if you ever actually saw where your food comes from and the goings on in the restaurant biz, well let's just say you would never eat again. It seems that one individual gets it and that is Miss Donna from the Idea Garden. Miss Vero Has met Miss Donna (although Miss Donna will not remember Miss Vero) and applauds her for being concise in her assessment of the current situation.
Miss Vero noticed a line at the opening of the Olive Garden on Monday night and was suspended in disbelief for a moment, because children, Miss Vero has never actually ventured into an Olive Garden and wondered what all the fuss is about. Ironically Miss Vero did have the pleasure of visiting the Patio on Tuesday night, the last night opened and was happy to have a cocktail (or two) brought by the wonderful Miss Debbie. Miss Vero adores Miss Debbie (although Miss Debbie will not remember Miss Vero) and wishes her nothing but fabulous Mojo. And yes, Miss Vero has had the pleasure of Mr. Tom Beaver's acquaintance (although Mr. Beaver will not remember Miss Vero). While we found Mr. Beaver to be quite pleasant we do not know enough about his situation to make any comment, so for now children we will hold our tongue.

Let's begin with the story of a lovely Italian restaurant by the name of Guytano's. A beautiful an profitable place with an open kitchen, scrumptious fare and a great location on US 1. This place was humming. For those of you that don't know it occupied the spot where the Barkley lion logo interior design store currently resides. Well, when the new Indian River Mall opened, Guytano's quickly thought that this would be the place to be, as did many high end shops. The likes of Bailey, Banks and Biddle (now gone) and others quickly filled what was touted as a high end shopping mall. One must have seen the writing on the wall when Talbot's provided the only exterior door to shield it's clientele from the mall masses. Oh Yes! Miss Vero can tell you of a cocktail party she attended and in conversation with a resident of the beach side (a beachie) was told "I'm disappointed that Guytano's moved, we dined there frequently, but now that they're in the mall, well, we would never eat in a mall would we?" Guytano's went out of business, people lost jobs and that was that.

The moral of the story kids, is there are beach restaurants and then there's the Carraba, Outback, Olive Garden fare for those that serve the beachies. And if you don't believe there are two Vero's just as there are two America's, answer me this -

Why is it called Martin Luther King Blvd. on the west side of US 1 and called 45th street on the east side? Perhaps Mr. Lemmon could use this as one of his droppings or would we be getting too close (EEE GAWD) to the truth of this town.

Don't make a lady wait!