Wednesday, April 30, 2008


MAYDAY! MAYDAY! MAYDAY! May 1st, 2008.
Check it out children the first edition of...
Miss Vero's Beach House!
Welcome, c'mon in and a big MWAH on your suntanned little cheeks, which ever ones you prefer. For all of y'all that don't know, Miss Vero has been around quite a while in this tony little "Hamptons of Miami" town - Oh lord how I giggle every time I sputter that phrase! And to be perfectly honest kids, Miss Vero has had quite enough! I for one, am sick, I tell you sick of reading that local rag - The Depressed Journal or The Stressed Journal or The Depressed Stressed Urinal or whatever you'd like to call it and by the looks of the comments posted on TCPalm's website, I am not alone. So strap on your strap ons and fasten your chastity belts we're in for a fun time! Join Miss Vero, will you dahling? Let's just see...

The lovely PJ columnist Mr. Lemmon, who Miss Vero has never personally met and has no reason to do so, has been fondling Indian River County for a little over a year with his mid western weaselly sense of Bob Evans hot cup o' joe humor. Miss Vero will admit that Mr. Lemmon is doing a great service to the county by actually attending and reporting on the meetings that no one gives a flying rat about, yet spawns the policy that affect us all. Mr Lemmon is creative in making a soap opera out of the mundane doings of Piper and Dodgertown. Do we wish Piper would stay, of course! Real jobs are needed in this county. Do we pine for the Dodgers? Oh H. E. double hockey sticks YES! The fan friendly stadium and big league prestige always cheer up our springtime. But alas, Miss Vero remembers many times that Piper downsized and layed off workers and it was well known that you would never have job security there - honey it was a given. Miss Vero also remembers the cute little Dodger Pines Country Club and surrounding golf courses that have long been abandoned and forgotten like Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. Who couldn't see the writing on the wall children? Forgive Miss Vero, I digress... What is the reason we are so fortunate to have Mr. Lemmon grace us with his podunk commentary, you may ask? Is it because wifey Laura took the position as St. Lucie County Editor? What! Do tell, does this mean we are serviced by newspaper professionals courtesy of Scripps Treasure Coast Cat litter? Yes boys and girls we are serviced by professionals, they are not are friends, that girl you brought home is a hooker. So in spite of all the home town pulse on the local scene musings, we are not represented by anyone who gives a hoot or knows our digs. Sounds like politics don't it? We got Mr. Lemmon the same way we'll get Mr. Clinton (If ya'll are so inclined to vote that way and Miss Vero is not bringing up THAT subject....yet.) Two for the price of one.

What in the good golly miss molly's name is the deal with Miss DIANE FOOTE?
Children, Miss Vero HOWLS at her writings, laughing until tears emerge and then we deliciously await, yes salivate for the pithy comments posted to her incredulous banter. One of Miss Vero's particular favorite passages:
Oh wait we can't show it to you exactly, because after just spending many minutes of Miss Vero's precious time searching the TCPALM website, I am told that an article from sixty days ago is in their PAID archives and I will have to PAY to get it! Hmmm, not gonna happen PJ. (Type in "Diane Foote" into the TCPALM search and see how far you get kids. If the paper itself isn't enough to send you over the top try navigating the ridiculous web site and is it Moi or does it only freeze up Miss Vero's Computer?) Anyhoo, the article in question describes how Miss Foote considered donning a fur for a lunch date. A fur. For lunch. In Vero Beach. Wait... Miss Vero has to catch her breath. Good Gawd girl! Ever hear of PETA? Who, I ask you, wears fur at all not to mention for lunch in Zero Beach?

And now Miss Vero must mix her batch of martinis and relax - oh wait I seem to be channeling Miss Kathy Griffin - "Where are my Gays?" I know you're out there, drop us a line girls
I leave you with this thought...

Vero Beach Man about town and and some one who Miss Vero has had the pleasure of meeting (Although Mister Wallach will certainly not remember Miss Vero). We are duely impressed with Mister Wallach's posted Bio and contributions to the holocaust Museum in Washington. see for yourselves kiddies -

And so, Miss Vero offers her humble advice to Mister Wallach -
Lose the moustached pedophile creepy guy look for fear you look like this:,4644,3850,00.html

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