Monday, June 30, 2008


To see all the photos click this link:


This is the view kids, early morning at the Costa d'Este. Miss Vero checked in on Friday and with our companion, pretty much had the place to ourselves. The folks there were oh so sweet and friendly and the atmosphere was sultry and laid back, until...

The locals arrived. We had us an early dinner and cocktails and noticed the place fillin up faster than a run on three dollar gas. Hunnies, there were all kinds of local folks posin like they had paparazzi chasin them and lookin all anorexic-skinny. They were all there, every manner of local, from the Moorings mavens to the beachie Lacoste clad, sockless, self importants. What a beautiful resort to have in Vero, we sure hope the lovely Mr. and Mrs. Estefan don't have to suffer too much with these types.

Our dinner was honestly some of the best food we've ever had in Vero Beach and we thought the staff was very attentive and professional. When we were just about to leave- who should up and sit next to Miss Vero but none other than Carl Hiaasen! Well, well well. Now y'all know Miss Vero just couldn't mind her manners. We said "Excuse me, but you're Carl Hiaasen." And he got to grinnin like he does in his Miami Herald photo, he looked so pleased that an adoring fan recognized him. But y'all know that weren't the case, cause he done lost that smile real fast when Miss Vero asked how a self proclaimed Florida environmentalist could move to a place like Vero and start playing golf. Mr. Hiaasen huffed "Well, you're here, aren't you?" Before answering that, Miss Vero looked over and noticed that the Mrs. was givin us the old evil eye and the server was comin over to get their order so we politely exited by saying "The food is very good, enjoy your dinner." Then we left.

We went outside to the pool that had also become very crowded and loud. Now, when Miss Vero tells y'all that there was every manner of local there we mean it, cause who should walk in next but Bonnie and Damian Gilliams - The Donald Trump of Sebastian! Lawdy children, talk about a cast of characters!

Miss Vero and company retreated to our very comfortable room to hide out till everyone had gone. We did manage to come back down at 1:00 AM and had the place all to ourselves again. Our one complaint for the evening was the fact that the only bottled water available was a giant $8 Fiji water that had to travel way too far to be featured at a "green" hotel.

We had breakfast the next morning and for a little while, we were with the only two other parties that were staying at the hotel and then... the locals arrived. The morning staff was not as, let's just say, efficient as the evening crew and when the beachies were not being attended to fast enuf, it was hee-larrious! Miss Vero almost fell on the floor laughin when some ole ancient J.I. type walked right into the kitchen lookin for immediate attention!

Here's what we have to say about that -
If one is privileged enough to afford luxury hotels and dinners, one has a responsibility to understand that it is exactly that - a privilege and not a right to be served and attended to.
In other words...what in the H. E. double toothpicks do y'all have to be cranky about? Some poor hardworkin minimum wage employee is just not kissing y'alls behinds fast enuf? Puh-leeese.
We haven't seen this much attitude and posin in one place since we done left the hills of Beverly.

Anyhoo, we took a lotta pictures and wrote up serious reviews for both the hotel and the restaurant and posted it on Apparently it takes a little while to post, because it has to be reviewed by their editors. We'll let y'all know as soon as its up, Miss Vero is really getting good at the picture takin and we want y'all to see them. We'll also transfer the restaurant review to the new site that we told y'all about on Friday.

We got a very funny email from a little birdie who let us know that Mr. Lemmon is none too happy with Miss Vero. Supposedly Mr. Lemmon thinks we are mean and nasty to him, but we are not one bit mean compared to some of his TCPalm readers that'd like to tear him up good. On Saturday Mr. Lemmon wrote his best column EVER.
Yup, that what we said children, let Miss Vero say it again - his best column EVER.
His article about N'Orleans was genuinely heartfelt, informative and important in reminding us about people, but for the grace of god go us. Of course on Sunday, he went back to being ole lemmondropping Russ. However, let it be said that Miss Vero gives credit when credit is due.

Enjoy the show, we'll be here all week, thank y'all very much!
(A little show biz humor)


Friday, June 27, 2008


Miss Vero knows that y'all start your day early and like us to post accordingly, but honestly we were up until 2:00 am siftin through the internet looking for new and exciting Vero Beach things and guess what? There weren't nothing for y'all! Since we are not the type to post stoopid filler stuff - like the counting of licence plates, we appropriately woke up at the crack of noon and checked our emails and wha-la! The internet elves sent us something new and exciting!

Now y'all know that Miss Vero nevah, nevah, nevah prints emails sent our way, but children, we just are luvin this new web site so much we just have to let the man who owns it speak for his self:

"I read your article about the press journal food critic and thought I would drop you an e to offer you another choice for food reviews in vero beach -- I have designed, owned and operated this site, have actually worked in the industry, owned and printed a dining guide in vero beach called "dish-it-out magazine" and now, in my spare time, I am trying to ramp-it-up so we can have another nice source for restaurant reviews for vero. I just added a new feature that allows (encourages) anyone to voice their opinion on our local restaurants. They can also input a star rating for food and service and pen a review.. A few weeks ago I added a summer menu guide ( good ideas seemed to get mimicked... or maybe 32960 just had the idea at the same time :-X).
Anyway, please check it out and help our online community grow. (BTW this is a one man operation so it is difficult to compete with scripts... but it is worth the effort to try!)

We really like that it's clean, fresh and offers anyone the opportunity to post a review. Sort of like tripadvisor, chowhound combined, but perfectly made for Vero. OH! And there's a special section for alkeehol - "upscale lounges"- now y'all know we love that!

Isn't it interesting that so many new publications are popping up in our little town? what does that tell y'all? Miss Vero is convinced that we have reached a tipping point in local media and that we all deserve something better than what is currently offered.

Miss Vero also received a little gossip e mail, from a friend of a friend, who had dinner at the Costa d'Este and witnessed a prominent Vero attorney get wine spilled all over him! They also alerted us that the service was substandard, but - in lawyer lingo- caveatted that it was the first night opened.

Now maybe some of y'all are aware that this incident could mean two things. One possibility is that everyone is new and the service staff is not yet in the groove and oops some wine got spilled. Or... Somebody done knew that attorney and had some previous dealins with him and oops some wine was "accidentally" spilled. If-in any of y'all ever worked in a restaurant y'all know exactly what Miss Vero is talking about.

In, fact we have talked about this before. It is very important to treat your waitstaff and bartenders like human beings and not as your personal servants. Also if y'all happen to be a bad tipper, well let's just say this is a small town, but even if it wasn't y'all might find yourself on one of these notorious lists:

Miss Vero will be checking in to the Costa tonight and having dinner there so we'll snaps some pics and give y'all a full report on Monday. If-in y'all are real bored don't forget Towndown Friday biker night on 14th street or the opening of the reception for the new exhibit at the Art Museum (which y'all supposedly need a reservation, but put on some lime green and pink clothing and y'all blend right in). If-n y'all are REALLY starvin for some down and dirty fun, check out the all male review and Drag show at Long Branch (yeah, that's right, Long Branch) on Sunday night.

Whatevah y'all decide to do this weekend, have fun, stay safe and lovingly hold your cocktails!


Thursday, June 26, 2008


Let Miss Vero be the first to say that we have absolutely nothing against Yankees or even Connecticut for that matter, but we are just plain tired of the musings, mutterings and babble of the non local people employed (OK, just two in particular) by the Press Journal. Let's review, shall we kids?

Miss Vero has noticed as usual, the little things, like the fact that the PJ's restaurant critic, Diana Foote, was on vacation last week. Miss Foote's "Out to Lunch" column let her talk about her recent tourist traipsing in the Big Apple, but no review of any restaurant that week.

Yesterday, Miss Foote gave us a basic review for the new Indian and Greek restaurant located next to the Scampi grill, but let Miss Vero sum it up for y'all - Only Indian or Greek food in Vero, very good food, no alkeehol served, what else do y'all need to know?

It would be so much more fun to see Miss Foote do a review of the Chick-Fil-A cow costume event:

We prefer a more useful item in the new VeroBeach32963, that breaks down all of the summer specials, that we usually have to sift through in the two page ad spread in the PJ. Someone very thoughtfully put it all together for us:

Given that Miss Foote gets paid to have a "column" of opinion and a critic's corner, it seems to us that her vacation is not of our concern and we'd like more useful info such as that provided by VeroBeach32963. So there.

Another of our favorite constant thorns in mah achin side is always Mr. Lemmon, who "babbled" on about his little summer vacation. Gee whiz, countin licence plates and ole Russ invadin the Big Queasy sure do sound like a big bag o'borin to us, how 'bout y'all? -we love the first comment and the Bob Evans fan clubbers comin to his rescue!:

Now maybe y'all have noticed that Miss Vero was also on vacation, but hunnies we think of y'all everyday and managed to keep up with the local news and our daily postins and not bore y'all with our fabulous adventures.

There's a lot going on in Vero Beach this weekend and Miss Vero will be there - Downtown Friday, a little soiree at the Art Museum and a wedding at the Pointe West Club. We thought the only proper way to acclimate ourselves would be to arrive on Friday and check into the new Costa d'Este. We'll continue to sort through all the PJ dribble and our neglected emails to bring a little sumthin tomorrow, but by Monday, we'll have a whole lotta local love to give you.


Wednesday, June 25, 2008


Our Friend, Pete Harris 1947-2007

Miss Vero will admit that we are more than a little late to the party on this item, but after siftin through some stuff we are madder than a wet hen to read about these people:

That damn bar has been there forever and who in the H.E. double hockey sticks do these people think they are? Bojo's is akin to the statue of liberty in Micco...

"Give me your tired, your poor,Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"

Sure it was like an Old Man bar, but it had character. Pete Harris was set to breath some life into it before the double hurricanes hit in 2004 and then, like everybody else at that time, it was slow going. Pete had even told Miss Vero that Florida serial killer, Aileen Wournos had lived for a couple months in the apartment downstairs. We can't find anything online to document that claim, but we sure do believe Pete.

Pete Harris was an old drinkin buddy of Miss Vero's and we enjoyed many cocktails (although Pete was a beer drinker) and Florida stories together. He passed away all too soon and his fabulous web site seems to have gone down, but y'all can still get his CD's offa CD Baby.

Pete has the best cover of the song "Mainline Florida", which y'all might remember from Eric Clapton's 461 Ocean Boulevard album. Pete was a collaborator and friend of George Terry, who wrote "Mainline Florida" as well as introducing Clapton to Bob Marley's work, resulting in the recording of "I shot the Sheriff". Mr. Clapton explains that story exactly in his autobiography

So there's a little Florida music history for y'all.

A few years back when Miss Vero was thoroughly taken in by a Tim Dorsey novel and tellin Pete about it, he surprised Miss Vero by suggestin we take a ride one day. We ended up at one of Surge Storms' favorite haunts - the Coca Beach Pier tiki bar and drank the afternoon away!

So here's a belated toast to Pete and all the good times he gave to so many.

Peace and Love Pete.


Tuesday, June 24, 2008


For all of y'all that take the New York Times regular on Sunday, y'all probably read the interview with Gubna Charlie. He's very likable in this article and we wouldn't mind seeing ole Charlie running with the ancient John McCain. In fact if y'all remember, we imagined just such a scene in our first blog about Charlie -"The Power of Crist Compels Me" (May 13th). Miss Vero still wishes that we could get that man a sandwich to help fill out that suit or a nice gay stylist to actually get him a suit that fits. Miss Vero always wondered why we just couldn't get a paper receipt when we voted, like at the grocery store and it seems that Gubna Charlie has wondered the same thing. We're beginning to like him. A little. If-in y'all don't take that really informative yankee paper, Miss Vero generously provides y'all the link:

Speaking of State politics, Miss Vero likes to play a little game called connect the newspaper dots and we found these bits of Charlie- related- to-Vero news that informs us of two important things;

#1 California Gov Arnold Schwarzenegger (who Miss Vero remembers, but Gov Arnold does not remember Miss Vero - really it's true!) came to Florida last year for a photo op and Florida Climate Summit with Gubna Charlie and they looked like Batman and Robin ready to fight the energy crisis:

#2 If you get a lobbyist and pay Stan Mayfield some money, y'all can get all that pesky energy bill stuff to go away, not by some silly ole democratic voting process!

And finally a little Mayfield related story in between all of the PJ "dribble"-Honestly, why would anyone expect a doctor to properly fill out paperwork?


Once again, Miss Vero must thank each and everyone of y'all that are readin faithfully and sending in such nice emails and info. Please be patient, we have already told y'all that (unfortunately) we are only one damn person and we are trying to answer and deal with technical thangs as fast as we care to. If-in y'all had problems with the links in the past few days go back and check again, we're pretty sure we done fixed it.

If-in there's some other issues y'all have - sugar- fix you a cocktail or two and keep drinkin 'em until that particular issue just fades away...


Monday, June 23, 2008


Miss Vero is very excited, not to hear the news (we already have), but to finally see it in print:

We know that Karen and Chuck Mechling have worked like dogs to keep this little community progressing and maintaining it as a show place for Indian River County. Miss Vero loves that it is not gated, offers rentals, townhouses, beautiful villa homes and fabulous polo ground estates. We love the events like Screen on the Green, Winterfest, polo on Sunday afternoons (all free to residents and the public) and the very welcoming (nonexclusive) Club at Pointe West. And now it gets even better. Soon there will be a medical facility and later a town center with shops and restaurants.

Now, we know a lot of y'all nay saying no development types won't even entertain the thought of growth, but here's a prime example of some folks who have committed themselves to the community and have done a beautiful job. About seven or so years ago, Miss Vero attended an economic summit at the Vero Beach campus of IRCC. At a considerable expense, a man was hired by the county -we believe it was Bill Furst - who flat out told the local gov that growth was gonna happen and it was their responsibility and ours (the people of Indian River County) to decide not IF but HOW it would happen. He said things either "ratchet up" or " ratchet down", but one thing's for certain - nothin stays the same. That auditorium was packed, but it turns out a lot of people dismissed the advice, we sure are glad Chuck Mechling paid attention.


Miss Vero would just like to point out to y'all that Mr. Lemmon said yesterday:

"With the Indian River Medical Center east of the railroad tracks and most of the population growth taking place to the west, logic says we're asking for trouble if we don't build an overpass someday."

While the Pointe West article, in the same day, quoted:

"The new medical building, right inside the Pointe West entrance, will be closer than Indian River Medical Center, which should be a big help for the assisted-living facilities in the area, Pointe West President Chuck Mechling says. You won't have to drive all the way to the hospital in the future"

Yes, we understand that they are not building an entire hospital, but it would be so nice if-in everybody could be on the same page, when in fact, they actually are on the same page.

Remember last week when the Secret Squirrel told us that the candidates for county commission failed to answer the economic development question? Maybe that's the only thing that doesn't change.

Time for Miss Vero to stop thinking so much and mix up a martini, or maybe a manhattan - for a change.


P.S. Here's a toast to the fabulous Mr. George Carlin and whoever put those billboards up near the Fort Pierce exit of I-95 (See June 11th post - "George Bless you")

Friday, June 20, 2008


As we told y'all yesterday, we are tryin very hard to keep up with y'all from a distance. Since it's Friday and we've got a lot going on, Miss Vero is offering a few little tidbits to keep y'all happy till Monday.

Gloria Estefan Hoopla
Being that Miss Vero is in New York and we are so fabulously well connected, we got a chance to speak with Mrs. Estefan's literary publicist yesterday. Just in case you thought Mrs. Estefan was all about hotels and Latin rhythms, let Miss Vero be the first one to tell you that she has written two best selling children's books and her next one will be published in 2009. The stories are all about Mrs. Estefan's favorite bulldog Noelle:

A Tale of Two Beaches
Wow. check out his letter on the VeroBeach32963 web site:
Miss Vero gives them a lot of credit for printing that.

Real Estate Rumblings
On the lips and minds of all of Miss Vero's real estate buddies, the invasion of a Palm Beach based reality group on the beach. Now we hafta ask, why are y'all so surprised? Miss Vero can't believe that the Corcoran group isn't here yet, probably just a matter of time:

Thank You Dr. John
For lettin us know the where abouts of Trilogy. For all of y'all that was wonderin like Miss Vero, the band is playin at Squid Lip's in Sebastian:

How The Heck?
We hear that Rhett Palmer has Charlie Wilson (played by Tom Hanks in the film "Charlie Wilson's War"?) on his show. We wondered to a friend if there is some kind of secret initiation for the Bill O'Reilly fan club that requires a session with ole Rhett?

Have a good weekend kids, keep Miss Vero posted and we'll get back to y'all just as soon as we can. Now let's see - where's that recipe for Long Island Ice Tea?


Thursday, June 19, 2008




And that is why Miss Vero is not in attendance and the Costa d' Este opening this week.

Actually, we will be leaving our lake house today for a little side trip to East Hampton, where we will no doubt run into some other celebrity types. We are also attending the big shin dig at the Bethel Woods Center for the Arts on Saturday, which we already told y'all about in our "Rhett Palmer's Hippie Claim" post a couple weeks ago. Look it up kids.

Why are we tellin y'all this? Just to let you know how dedicated Miss Vero is, that we would continue to post during our summering. Not that we won't be back soon to check out the Estafan's new digs - and we do have somethin a little related to the sitch-e-ation brewing up in these parts that we'll bring you back as soon as we can.

We have been purusin the local news about the opening and as usual, find the comments especially interesting:

Now that y'all like to email Miss Vero so much, we're sure that y'all will tell us all about it. Of course Miss Vero is not a celebrity stalker or easily impressed like everyone else who seems to be slobberin like a misbehaving hound dog over all this hoopla. But when nothin much else is happening in town, we suppose it would be alright to get a little excited over this event.

So have fun, send us your reports and we'll discuss. It'll be interesting to hear everyone's different take on this. Right now Miss Vero is dealing with dueling, emailin, local politicians, each givin their side and courtin Miss Vero's favors. We don't mind, because no matter how anyone tries to persuade us, the only party we truly support is (c'mon say it with us) -


P.S. If-in y'all have emailed us recently, hang in there for Miss Vero's replies kids, we are only (unfortunately) one damn person and workin as fast as we care too.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008


Hey kids, it's Wednesday and the PJ usually likes to publish some boring and/or ridiculous restaurant review. Miss Vero knows how excruciating this can be, so we have generously decided to provide y'all with a peek into one of our cocktailin and culinary adventures.

A little while back, Miss Vero and the Secret Squirrel had a hankerin for some bar-b-que and alkeehol. So we decided to try Rip's Ribs restaurant instead of drivin all the way down to Tommy Norris'. Now it sure was yummy and our server Liz and bartender Amie were real nice to us, also there was some guy playin the guitar pretty good too. They even gave us a card for a couple of drinks, next time we come. We know the PJ reviewed Rip's, but we found another review (with food photos!) that we much prefer:

Rip's owner, Mr. Rip Tosun is another in a long line of Rib Kings from South Florida. Let Miss Vero tell y'all about our favorite Rib King, Tommy Norris. We call him that cause that's who he was way back when Miss Vero knew him. There were actually three Rib Kings in South Florida in the 70's, Norris, Bobby Rubino and Tony Roma. They all had dealins with each other and partied like there was no tomorrow, but children everybody did back then. Miss Vero met Tommy Norris, just after he got outa the pokey for some partying related incident. After regainin his freedom, he walked around loudly tellin everyone "It's great to be alive!". Miss Vero loved his pre-pokey stories especially the one of calling a restaurant for a reservation, only be turned away. So Tommy Norris decided that the best way to change their mind was to arrive in their parking lot in a helicopter and wha-la! - he got a table!

Now to be honest, we don't know what ever did happen to Tommy Norris or if the Norris restaurants still have any connection to him. We do know that Bobby Rubino died in 2001 and Tony Roma retired. But it sure was fun knowin ole Tommy Norris when we did.

After we left Rip's and since it was a Friday night, we thought we might be able to hear some good music at Waldo's. Well kids the place was dead and when we asked about our favorite threesome, Trilogy, we were told by one of the bartenders that the new manager didn't see fit to havin them. A little later we met the manager in question and the Secret Squirrel wondered how often they have to change that stick up his rear. Miss Vero wishes the Squirrel would give us a warning before he says things like that, we almost spit our cocktail halfway cross the bar. Maybe the manager's tryin to clean up the place and shoe out all the locals before the Costa opens up next door. If-in any of y'all do know what's happening with Scott, Scott and Not Scott (aka Trilogy), let Miss Vero know.

Miss Vero and the Secret Squirrel finally ended the night in one of our favorite places, still the Epicenter of Cool, Undertow. We were very excited to see Miss Kitty's new additions to the Menu and are always so happy to see our favorite bartenders, Sandy and the Cutest Boy in Vero. The Undertow does not have a web site, but a myspace page badly in need of an update:

Now Miss Vero knows that some of y'all think that women like Miss Kitty are magical and can do everything. While that is some what true, we're sure Miss Kitty is just too busy makin fabulous food and running a business to be concerned with things like a website. So we hope that someone can help her out. We would like to see a page with an Undertow events listing, cause we sure don't want to miss the next wine tasting.


Rips- Good food, friendly people, free pour at the bar-yes!, guy playing guitar, old songs that we know.

Undertow -Fabulous food, great people, free pour at the bar-yes!, guy playing guitar, groovy tunes that we've forgotten but love.

Miss Vero and companion cocktail anonymously at the expense of the Beach House or anyone who's willin to by us a round.


Tuesday, June 17, 2008


Miss Vero sure is getting a lot of emails and is more than happy to receive and answer every one. But we seem to be answering the same questions many times, so today we thought we'd give y'all a Frequently Asked Question (F.A.Q.) summary for everyone who has asked or is just wondering.

#1 Can I meet you?
No, Miss Vero is very sorry that we cannot, at this time, meet with anyone. The funny part is that y'all might already know us.

#2 Why do you write anonymously?
Well, before we started writing, nobody listened to a damn word we said, funny how now, everybody's payin attention.

#3 Why don't you write for the PJ instead of Russ Lemmon?
Why, indeed.

#4 Will you be writing for the Vero Beach 32963?

The last two questions bring up an altogether different question as to where exactly Miss Vero fits into the media. Vero Beach 32963 seeks to inform. The PJ inadvertently entertains. Miss Vero's mission is to inform and purposely entertain.

#5 Miss Vero, your articles should be made into a book, have you thought of that?
No sugar, the thought never crossed my mind. Much.

#6 Has Russ Lemmon invited you out for coffee yet?
Yes, how did you know? We came to find out that he invites everyone to his Bob Evans den of dull journalism for "coffee". We did not accept, as Miss Vero's Grandmamie would say - "Why, the very idea!"

#7 Are the people you talk about real?
If-in y'all are referring to the Count and Countess du Roseland, The Palm Beach playboy, Dr. John, Lil'Miss Sunshine, Secret Squirrel and Lawdy Mama, yes, we can assure y'all that these are real people. We meet every Monday in my motorhome and discuss our diabolical plans for taking over Indian River County.

#8 Can I send you some tips or inside information?
By all means! But here's a little guideline, if it's about two people neckid and high, gettin their stoopid behinds arrested, what more could Miss Vero possibly add? We prefer to hear about local celebrities and politicians, we are more than happy to oblige them a verbal spankin.

#9 Where do you get your pictures?
Some photos, Miss Vero takes, others are sent to us. We also spend entirely too much time trollin the internet just to please y'all.

#10 Do you really drink "alkeehol" everyday?
Only if the sun comes up, we're still waiting patiently since 1972 for the marijuana laws to be repealed.

Extra Bonus Question:
What exactly does MWAH! mean?
Way back in 2004 - which seems like yesterday to Miss Vero - a young friend sent us a text message that read MWAH! Miss Vero didn't understand and asked our young friend what it meant. They informed us that it was a way of sending a big kiss, just sound it out.

Thanks for all the email, comments and luvin! Keep it comin hunnies and if by some chance, Miss Vero has failed to answer a question, don't be afraid to ask. Let us know what y'all want to hear about, we know it's not rain barrels!


Monday, June 16, 2008


Ever since Miss Vero read those words of wisdom on the side of a bic lighter, we have always tried to follow that sage advice. Miss Vero tends to concur with the philosophy and views of the New York author Fran Lebowitz, agreeing that children are not good company, seeing is how they seldom pick up the check in a restaurant and one can never expect to bum a cigarette from them. That being said, Miss Vero occasionally finds herself in the presence of small to medium size children, what with friends, relatives and grandchildren, or as we like to refer to them as "spawn of the spawn".

One of our favorite people, Lawdy Mama, has tolerable children, we admire her parenting style and she has generously offered some tips. If-in y'all are stuck here and do not summer in the north or some small to medium size children come to visit and y'all are perplexed as to what do, Lawdy Mama has some good suggestions.

But first, let's talk about those pictures up top. The whole idea of this post started when Lawdy Mama emailed these photos to Miss Vero. Yesterday - and yes I know it was Father's day, but honestly, after he got the new tie/golf club/fishing pole/sports related item, the next best thing he could have gotten was some damn peace and quiet. Knowin this and pestered by the kids to go, Lawdy Mama, took her two medium size children to a big event in Vero Beach sponsored by the Cartoon Network. The children had seen the event advertised on Cartoon Network and low and behold the Press Journal had a full page ad, provided and sponsored by big guy, Vietnam Veteran and appliance guru, Mr. John Jetson (who Miss Vero fondly remembers, although Mr. Jetson will not remember Miss Vero).

Let Miss Vero just say, that when it comes to marketing, Mr. Jetson is one smart cookie. He figured out a way to grab a niche for appliances by offering high end and survived the big box retailers hold on the market. Miss Vero remembers Mr. Jetson sayin one time that he spends a whole lotta money on marketing and half of it's wasted, trouble is, he never knows which half. Miss Vero notices and admires Mr. Jetson for sponsoring quite a lot in the area and for bringing a national tour to Vero:
Too bad nobody attended! As witnessed in these photos, even when something is provided free, Vero residents are either not responding, or not getting the info in a timely manner. Yes, we know it was Father's day, yes there was a full page ad the day of the event (courtesy of Mr. Jetson), but why did'nt the PJ do more to promote it and why only print a small blurb NINE days before the event and not in the Friday "what to do" section?
Daily bashing of PJ, check. Back to the story;


As illustrated with the above failure of the PJ to adequately inform the public of special one time events, we have some permanent installations of fun for y'all to consider.

#1 Get out of Vero, head north to Sebastian. Take them to the North County Aquatic Center. Now y'all might ask - Why would I take them to that pool, when I have a pool/beach right in my own back yard? And Lawdy Mama will tell you - Because that way, they will not be making a mess at, or tracking sand into your house. Children tend to be sticky and have more hand prints than an octopus. Besides, do y'all have a waterslide, fountains, water cannons and zero entry, not to mention many other small to medium types for them to play with? We didn't think so.

#2 Ok, I really don't want to leave my backyard pool, what then? No problem, tell them y'all want to play "Paris Hilton" only YOU have to be Paris. First teach them how to mix a proper martini, cosmo, gin and tonic, etc. Not only will you be giving them a valuable life skill, they will then become useful. Now, lay back on your chaise, put on your biggest Jackie-O sunglasses and invite your best friend, Miss Vero over. If there are girls in the group, play spa and have your toenails painted. With boys, tell them it's a treasure hunt and make them fetch things for you. Say "that's hot" when they've accomplished their tasks. Promise you'll pay them a lot of money (maybe, someday).

#3 With small children who are prone to misbehaving, yet are easily intimidated, take them to Sebastian Skydive.
There's an observation deck and a cafe that serves food, beer and wine! Watch the plane go up, up, up in the air, watch the skydivers jump out and land. Explain to the small children that this is where the flying monkeys from the Wizard of Oz are trained and if they don't start listening, the Sebastian flying monkeys will come and take them to the wicked witch's castle. After the very quiet trip home, pop in the DVD of the Wizard of Oz to reinforce the idea. Works every time.



It's a cruel, cruel, summer y'all! Try to stay cool and keep the blender hummin!


Friday, June 13, 2008


It's easy to complain about politicians, there never seems to be anyone in office who is anything but crooked. Still, every once in a while someone does something right. Get yo selves comfy children, because Miss Vero's gonna tell y'all a little story and y'all be learnin some Florida history too.

Some years ago - more than we care to remember - the Governor of Florida was a Democrat, Mr. Lawton Chiles. He was known as "walkin Lawton" because when he ran for U.S. Senate, he walked some 1,003 miles from Pensacola to Key West, meeting-n-greeting along the way. He was successful in his senate bid, actually during his entire career, he never lost an election.

He did many good things for Florida in terms of education and children's health. We have Governor Chiles to thank for the Healthy Start Coalition, which has a chapter in every county, includin this one:

But the great thing that Miss Vero loves about this time in Florida history is the contribution of Mrs. Rhea Chiles to the people of the State of Florida. Mrs. Chiles created a Florida embassy for every citizen of Florida to feel welcome when they are in our nation's capital. If y'all need tourist information, if y'all need to see your representative or if y'all just need a cool place to rest and have a glass of that refreshing Florida orange juice, they oblige.

Florida House is available to all of us, every damn one of us, whatever our beliefs, our political affiliations, our income, whether we moved here last week or we're fifth generation natives, it's ours just for being Floridians. Miss Vero has been a recipient of their hospitality many times and is very proud that we have the only state embassy in Washington, D.C.

See kids? Every once in a while Miss Vero can be serious, not too often, but when it's called for. And being this is an election year, maybe everybody needs to take some time and think. If-in y'all are running for some kind of office, ask yourself why and be honest. If y'all are gonna vote for somebody, do a little research and vote with your head. And if y'all just don't care and don't vote, well then, let Miss Vero tell y'all politely to hush yo'mouth.

Lawdy, look what time it is! Time to get down offa our little soapbox and start mixin up the martinis. Until Monday....


Thursday, June 12, 2008


Miss Vero could not attend the Taxpayers Association of Indian River County luncheon at Coppertops yesterday, because we feared we would be overcome with extreme boredom. So we thought it would be fun to send someone in our place, someone we call the "Secret Squirrel". The great thing is that the Squirrel has no interest or affiliation with anyone in Indian River County and can make completely unbiased observations and judgements. We asked the Squirrel to give us an impression of the following four speakers who are District 5 candidates for the Indian River County Commission:

"Although my first impression was that this guy seemed like some sort of 'Ernest T. Bass', he quickly transcended his quirkiness and my republican mind heard a speaker who was extremely reasonable. I was ultimately surprised with the substance of his oratory."

"This woman is obviously very impressed with herself and was not shy about reminding us of her citrus fortune. She attempted some kind of visual presentation with maps and 'Fellsmere' kept falling off, does that mean anything?"

"Wow, pompous. I kept waiting for him to jump up and sing- 'Anything you can do I can do better."

"She seems ambitious, calculating every one of her steps. Probably a very bright person but seems like more of the same. It's like she's trying to pledge to the popular sorority and badly wants to be part of the group that already exists."

"The one thing they all have in common is that no one had an definitive answer to the economic development question."

So kids, there y'all have it, an unbiased first impression of some local politicians. Just for the record, Miss Vero has never met any of these people, but trusts the Squirrel's judgement. We like the idea of the Squirrel going about and collecting political information, like little nuts, for us. The Squirrel might be a big help 'cause Miss Vero usually bases her local political decisions on the best performance in the Sebastian fourth of July parade.

Miss Vero honestly doesn't care about all the bickering and political positioning, the only party we're investing in is THE COCKTAIL PARTY!

That being said, today's cocktail glass is raised to the Secret Squirrel and to a new friend who understands the value of anonymity...


Wednesday, June 11, 2008


Thank goodness George Carlin has taken over for God. We prefer worshiping George anyway, he absolutely makes more sense and there's no question about what he looks like. We were wonderin when somebody would finally challenge those God billboards. Here's a clever you tube thingy called "Dueling Billboards":

Now y'all might think this is some picture Miss Vero got offa the internet, but children, Miss Vero done took this photo our self! The Palm Beach playboy's generous birthday gift to Miss Vero last year was a super cool digital camera and we are enjoying takin and postin pictures for y'all. This particular billboard is on the east side of I-95 headin south, just before Indrio Road. There's another George Carlin quote headin north, just after the Fort Pierce exit. Why? We don't know. We can't find out a thing about them, but we like 'em well enough to take a picture.

Imagine, Miss Vero stopped by the side of the road snappin a picture, like some fool tourist. First we had to drive to the middle of nowhere to find the side road, so we wouldn't be stoppin on I-95 and then we had to get out of the car in an old orange grove, which we do not like one bit. Here's our biggest fear:

With a twist from Dave Barry:

And too close to home:

So y'all better appreciate that we postponed our cocktail time and stood in tall grass to get this picture.

We are sufficiently spooked now by all this slitherin talk, it reminds us too much of politics. Best to sit down and mix up a batch of martinis, that oughta quiet Miss Vero's frail nerves.


Tuesday, June 10, 2008


An old post card of the Indian River County courthouse and an old (embellished) joke to go with it:

A small town prosecuting attorney called his first potential juror to the stand- an older, yet fabulous woman. He approached her and asked, "Ma'am, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Seymour. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Ma'am, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Sullivan since he was a youngster and he too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted and has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Not to mention, he's cheated with three different women in the last year and one them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
At this point, Judge Wild banged his gavel, which brought the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."

So children, y'all can surmise that Miss Vero was disqualified from jury duty yesterday. Praise the lawd and pass the gin and juice! Now y'all know we wouldn't have minded doin our civic duty one bit and we actually went to court willingly. That being said, Miss Vero has a little advice for y'all that do get called in:

#1 Do a little homework or at least pay attention to the damn video, they hafta show y'all. Understand what this means- "Innocent until proven guilty" and this- "The State bears the Burden of Proof" and this-"Beyond a reasonable doubt". If y'all go in knowin that, it'll save the rest of us three hours of the attorneys explainin it all to you stoopid, prejudice types.

#2 Don't dress like y'all are shoppin at the cottin pickin Walmart. At least put on your Sunday-go-to-meetin clothes and leave those flip flops at the beach.

If Miss Vero can get through this y'all have no excuse. In fact we're feelin so civic minded, we just might attend the IRC Commission luncheon tomorrow:

Last Tuesday the PJ reported that the luncheon was on June 4th, thank goodness some one posted a comment that reported the correct date of June 11th. Really, how hard is for a newspaper to get their facts straight?



Miss Vero offers y'all news from Tallahassee - a dreadful place and so far removed from our watchful eyes. Good thing Miss Vero has a well connected pal in that big white tower (the most phallic building in the world, but don't take my word for it):

Miss Vero regularly receives tips (no pun intended - ok maybe a little) about our local reps. So as always, Miss Vero generously shares:

Seems like our little gov Mr. Charlie is not the only one lookin to move on up. Florida is a primordial soup if-in you are some one with political aspirations.

Enough politics already! Time for a cocktail!


Monday, June 9, 2008


Hey kids, how was the weekend for y'all? Miss Vero has been busy, busy, busy, entertaining all manner of friends. We started out in Vero beach of course, but gradually worked our way down south. Saturday we attended a fabulous pool party at the new home of our hot boys in PSL (a big MWAH to you Bruno & David!). Then it was off to meet up with others on Sunday in Miami - or as my Grandmamie used to call it - MY-am-UH. The Palm Beach playboy of whom we've previously spoken, was in attendance and decided it would be "fun" to go see the Florida Marlins. Apparently Miss Vero's vote of protest did not register in our little group, so Miss Vero being a trooper, went along and busied our self with other things, like finding the bar and takin pictures of anything interesting. Bar, check. Interesting, still lookin.

What did go through our little calculating mind was this: Why wasn't this stadium filled on such a beautiful day? Yes, I know it's hotter than the surface of the sun here, but from the above photo that we took, y'all can see the place was empty. Then we startin cyphering like Jethro Bodine, hey tickets were $43 per person, beer was $8, parking was $10. There were seven of us there, so with gas and tolls for three vehicles, the grand total of our little Sunday outing was over $500! Ok, y'all are gonna say that we drank a lot, but hunney, Miss Vero is not a beer drinker and neither was this group so there were honestly only four beers consumed total. We are making a point that it must be impossible for a working family to attend a ball game and that is a damn shame.


We have been getting the nicest emails and a little buzz and we sincerely thank y'all for all the good luvin. A special thank you to the PJ watercooler kids, especially Chris, who included Miss Vero in his list of favorite Blogs:

We're posting this late on Sunday night having just gotten back from Miami, but the real reason is that Miss Vero has to get up in the morning and go to JURY DUTY!

Don't worry kids, for some unknown reason, Miss Vero seems to get disqualified pretty quickly. We'll tell y'all as much as we can tomorrow. Till then...


Friday, June 6, 2008


All right kids, listen up cause Miss Vero is telling y'all to put on those life jackets. It seems that the folks that inhabit the barrier island (or as we like to refer to them as the "beachies") have decided to remove themselves a little further from the rest of the county. They have determined that a personal newspaper is in order for their needs and have created "Vero Beach 32963".

"Unlike the Press Journal, Hometown News, or the Beachside News, the print version of Vero Beach 32963 will be mailed free exclusively to all barrier island residences and businesses."

They believe that:

"Residents of our island community tend to be older, better educated, more affluent, pay more in taxes, contribute more to candidates, churches and charities, than residents of the area at large."

Oh, really.

The editor - a very serious looking Mr. Milton R. Benjamin, has a big beef with the PJ:

"The Press Journal did a much better job of serving the community when it was owned by my then neighbor in Castaway Cove, John Schumann Jr., than it now does as part of a Cincinnati-based conglomerate that has turned the old Vero Beach Press Journal building into a Potemkin Village"

Don't feel bad children, Miss Vero did not get this man's high falutin, showin off his education reference either, so here y'all :

Take a quick look and run fast, cause this Mr. Benjamin is all business:

So Indian River County becomes more and more like the ill fated Titanic. The first class passengers get the life boats, while the middle class service crew fetches their martinis. The Captain, officers and deck hands (our local government), scramble around wondering what to do and where that big block of ice came from. The poor are locked in steerage (Gifford and such places), where they won't be seen or heard from and the Press Journal Band plays on!

Don't worry about Miss Vero, we'll be playin the unsinkable Molly Brown in this production.

Ya'll want to hear the good news? They have a very good restaurant critic.

Pass Miss Vero one of those martinis sugar, we're needin it bad today.


Thursday, June 5, 2008


Ok, here's a little sumthin, sumthin that you'll only get from Miss Vero - See that little green Dalai Lama mobile? Seen it toolin around Sebastian lately? No? Well maybe it's locked up in it's garage. At least we hope it is, because our Supreme Sebastian Source whispered in Miss Vero's ear that a gentleman in Sebastian was the winning bidder for this prize on ebay.

And not only did he get a three day audience with His Holiness and the Dalai mobile, he also got a date with Sharon Stone! (We're not quite sure if that's the good news or the bad news). Y'all can read the details in the above link. All this for the (reported) unbelievably low price of $82,000! Congratulations to the Spiritual Sebastian bidder!



Sorry children, Miss Vero doesn't want to tell this story - Miss Vero has to tell this story. In yesterdays PJ, Miss Diana Foote has managed to both bore and offend in an utterly new way. She writes:

"...a friend picks me up to take me to look at a day camp for our daughters and, while the director is pointing out the pet donkey, I find myself drifting to a picture of this Eeyore in the flesh, drawn, quartered, cooked and presented with side dishes on some lovely Bavarian china.
When donkey meat causes your heart to flutter, it's time to stop everything and eat."

I beg. Please. Make it stop.

The cocktail hour must now begin!


Wednesday, June 4, 2008


What are the odds kids, that Miss Vero would get in the car this morning and turn on the radio and be listening to Rhett Palmer? Slim to none, right? Well, Miss Vero lent her car to somebody yesterday and they musta been fiddling around with the knobs, so when Miss Vero went to listen to NPR (as we always do) the station was set on some local am thang. By now y'all have figured out that Miss Vero is a news junkie with slightly liberal leanings, but being that the junkie part comes primarily into play, we will listen to or watch any type of news just to get the perspective. Obviously, we do not believe in censorship.

Back to the funny part. Rhett Palmer. He claims to have attended Woodstock. Yeah, that's what I said, Woodstock, the peace, love and groovey things place in New York, 1969. He also claims to have had long hair down the middle of his back. Oh hunney, Miss Vero sure would pay cash money to see that! It just goes to show y'all - "...everybody got something to hide, cept for me and my monkey!"

Now children, Miss Vero has already told y'all, that she remembers Mr. Palmer (although Mr. Palmer will certainly not remember Miss Vero), way back in the day when he first rode into town in his hoopdee Continental (he later upgraded to a Mer-say-dees Benz). And we've previously made plain our feelings about him in our May 6th post "Rhett Palmer- Vero's Own Star Folker", but if this whole hippie claim is true, then we must ask - What happened?

Mr. Palmer was interviewing a man (via phone) at the site of the original festival in Bethel Woods, NY, where the new Woodstock Museum opened Monday.
Most people don't know that Woodstock was never actually held in Woodstock but in a little town called Bethel Woods, way west of Woodstock.

Mr. Palmer said he was very eager to go to New York to see the museum this summer. We think that you will be able to hear the interview and hippie claim on his website:

Well kids, it just so happens that Miss Vero is a member of the Bethel Woods Center for the Arts and in two weeks we will be attending a VIP tour of the museum and a concert at the site, featuring Ringo Starr and his all star band! HA! Miss Vero is very excited!

In fact, Miss Vero summers at our lake house in the area and took the above picture when we were at the Woodstock site last year. Yes, chickadees, your fabulous Miss Vero is well connected to all things cool and we promise to share it all with our Beach House guests!

Miss Vero thinks today's Woodstock story calls for a little vodka and kool-ade celebration and if-in there's no kool-ade in the cupboard, well we'll just have to make do...


Tuesday, June 3, 2008


We certainly have received lots of emails after the last two posts especially after Friday's Deluxe Edition of the Beach House! Thanks so much kids, Miss Vero loves your luvin. One story that was particularly favored was concerning our own Mr. Charlie Crist and after all the stuff people have been forwarding to us, we believe that the article on Gawker is the best. This is one sex tape Miss Vero never wants to see!:

Now y'all know, Miss Vero has already brought this subject to light in the May 13 post -"The Power of Crist Compels Me". We thought that we would reference it again, since y'all seem so fond of it.

Miss Vero sincerely apologizes for cuttin it short today, we have some business to attend to. Miss Vero Suggests that if-in y'all are new to the Beach House, that y'all catch up on older posts. Think of them as "Project Runway" reruns.

Thanks again kids for all the luvin, keep them emails comin!


Monday, June 2, 2008


Yipeeeeee! oohh, that hurt. Miss Vero's head is still poundin from last night's party, children. Were there drag queens in Vero last night? Yes. Was Miss Vero in attendance? Do y'all really have to ask that? Miss Vero has stumbled upon the greatest little group in Indian River County called "People Like Us" here's the info:

Finally, some fun in town! And get this- it's happening at the Long Branch! DJ Silvio is the hippest little cat around and what a sweetheart too! The Queens are well, fabulous as only drag queens can be. But the truly great part was the mix of people. There were some hard drinkin Long Branch locals, hard core lez-b-anns, a group of grannies (trying so hard, bless their hearts, to stay up late to see the show) and young straight couples. Everybody just gettin along together and havin a good ole time. See? Even churches in Vero can't do that!,0,1387395.story

The party is connected to PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays),
which is a great organization in town doing great things. The Hometown News did a very good profile of the Brevard County chapter.

Maybe, the Press Journal could pick up this story, or is that too much to ask? Miss Vero thinks it's news worthy because according to their blog, this group is processing applications and permits for a Pride Festival in Indian River County. Proceeds would go to PFLAG, IRC Sheriffs Dept., Vero and Sebastian Police Departments and a homeless organization. Sounds like they're queer and here to Miss Vero.

So now Miss Vero proposes a challenge to the local media- Cover this story! And all of y'all that call yourselves Christians out there, let's see how tolerant and Christian like y'all can really be. What would Jesus do? Hunney, he'd be holding that pride banner up high and marching down the street with these children and we should be too!

Peace, love and happiness and a big shout out to our new friends PLU!
And everybody - catch the show again, next Sunday night 10pm at the Long Branch.