Friday, February 6, 2009

SEXPERT ADVICE AND THE VERO DATING SCENE...

...IS THERE SUCH A THING?


Today Miss Vero takes on the subject of sex and dating in Vero Beach. Imagine if y'all are young or single or new in town, just how difficult it is to find the proper companionship. Many young people, who Miss Vero has had the pleasure of socializin with lately, have complained about the lack of conversation concerning this topic. So, we have decide to dip our little toe in the tepid water of this subject and invite y'all to read the musings of one young person's first installation of the Vero dating scene. Now remember y'all, this a first attempt at expressing the angst of trying to find a decent date in Vero, so if anything, y'all need to be encouraging in comments and perhaps offer some solutions. We are very happy to welcome today's Beach House Guest -
Miss Viviene Vonvoot!




Alright, so the dating scene in Vero is boring, it’s worse than boring it’s the pitts! Everybody is either too drunk and ready to take somebody home, or worried that you’re too drunk and would never be worthy to TAKE HOME. It’s such a drag, because when you look at somebody in a bar you think you’re too good to even talk to them but in reality, they’re in a bar also and you – you're no better than them. It’s stupid bars and filthy music! Bar room chit chat is so motivational and by the way it consists merely of how drunk you got the night before.

Where are these people that aren’t in bars? What are they doing? Listening to Huey Lewis and the News in their apartments waiting to find their one and only at church camp? Take me back to 1985 and gag me with a spoon! I want to find the person who asks me if I’m off my meds or not! Where are the promiscuous binge drinkers and nicotine addicts? I’m not saying I want the person who’s telling me their feelings are state mandated, but that usually ends up being the bottom line. I Always thought that therapy would be easier to come by if I got arrested which ended up being true! Who knew! You only had to get arrested to get to court ordered treatment.

Let’s be honest, if you’re new in Vero you basically have no chance in finding anyone anytime soon. Which is why I say it's the pitts! You find yourself having the pointless conversations that are going completely nowhere! Nowhere I Say! I’ve been in them, I’ve listened to so many pointless conversations and many of you have too! No one wants to hear about your Aunt that moved to Texas and your cousin that just moved here and blah blah blah! Filter Yourselves! FORGODSAKES! FILTER! NOBODY CARES! HA!

We are only there for the moment…. That’s all it is
a momentary conversation… and to be honest that’s all we are - momentary conversations forever and always.

With my love but no respect,

Viviene Vonvoot





Comments, suggestions?

MWAH!

missvero@live.com

12 comments:

BlessUrHeart said...

Welcome, Viviene -- if it were the Brad Pitts, well then we'd be happier. But no, it's a SMALL town, and I encourage everyone who is single to involve themselves in things outside the bar scene. My dears, take some kayak excursions, do a scuba class, dance class -- Zumba! [god, what IS that, the Count dancing in the zoo?]

Even in big towns, the better way to find other people of like minds is to go do things you like, in groups, and meet [not necessarily hook] up.

Listen to Miss Vero -- Go do some of the many many things she is telling you about, kids! And thank our lucky stars she's more informed than De Press Urinal.

Max Newport said...

Viv, my dear. You are funny. The Huey Lewis and the News, church camp thing almost knocked me out off of my couch (which is very hard to do).

Take a little advice from your old friend Max. I met my first wife in a bar. My second, current and last, I met at church.

Your writing style is cool. I hope to read more from you.

Lola said...

"You only had to get arrested to get to court ordered treatment."

My my, Miss Vonvoot,
You've come to the right place to get some good therapy. And you don't have to get arrested nor will it cost you anything. ;-)

I'll start with the same advice as BlessUrHeart. How do you like to spend your free time? What do you like to do? Don't know? Try it all.

It helps to know what you like in a guy. Outdoorsy? Kind heart? You could check out charitable events. Or volunteer on a Habitat for Humanity home or something similar.

Or go to events that attract guys. Like Aviation Day at the aiport or the Renegade Cruisers car show at the Sebastian Elks Lodge this weekend. Bring a couple of girlfriends to make it fun.

You know the Carnival ad? "Get out there!"

The nice part about meeting people while your doing an activity together is that you have something to talk about other than yourselves or your relatives.

Anyway, welcome. I look forward to hearing more of your escapades. And who knows? You just might meet someone at the Beach House... :-* :-*

Viv said...

Don't let my satirical writing confuse you. I haven't been arrested and I don't ONLY hang out in bars. I'm actually extremely social in the aspect of Vero life. Max, I'm glad you enjoyed my witty banter about church camp(actually we have spoken before, so try to figure that one out).

BlessUrheart and Lola, My time is spent ...not doing zumba, whatever that is, but I can tell you that I'm not the typical young Veroite that complains about this town. I love it more than life itself I plan on making a very big foot print here! I'm certainly screening the events I attend like Lola, I'd rather stay away from aviation and at this point in my life I'm kind of steering away from volunteering I'm merely in my early 20's... My time is primarily selfish. I'm always up for hearing about events though, in fact I help plan some of those events. I'm happy to finally be a member of the BH. Do we have jackets made yet?

BlessUrHeart said...

OH, volunteering is for OLD people! ROFL!! [pat, pat, pat on your kind and funny young head]

I'm glad the millions of teens and twenty-somethings who buoyed the Obama camp were willing to volunteer, and you know, they met a lot of really cool other people, young and old. Pretty selfish of them to get all that return on their time. ;-)

Viv said...

I apologize, I did not mean for my post to be offensive in any way! I'm sure the Obama volunteers did have a jolly time meeting others but I pride myself in being conservative, so Obama's rainbow and butterfly path doesn't really interest me. Although I'm positive he's going to do a great job...not to mention he's adorable.

I'll take your volunteering consideration up and let you know how it goes.

virtual vero said...

"I pride myself in being conservative"

Now, that is humorous. You hang out in bars to meet men with whom to take home and gag about the thought of church. Okay. But, what part of you is conservative? The GOP used to be about fiscal conservatism, but that fell by the wayside eons ago (hello -- $10.2 trillion national debt). Does liking Gretchen Wilson make you a conservative? Please, explain your position.

Max Newport said...

Hey Viv, It's your thing, do what you wanna do. Don't let them bring you down because you've got a ticket to ride and you don't care.

I am ultra conservative. Don't let the dainty libs make you feel guilty for having a little fun.

You are "out there" and most folks won't understand that but don't stop thinking about tomorrow.

You and I travel to the beat of a different drum. But that's the way I like it.

You can go your own way, but you have genius in your DNA. Keep writing kiddo.

BlessUrHeart said...

No worries, Viv! That's all part of blogging, writing what you think and having others give you feedback. Max doesn't need to protect you -- yet. ;-) just kidding.

I didn't mean that everyone should be volunteering for Obama, just that lots of young people DO volunteer work. That was my point, and I thought it quite funny that we who volunteer a lot would be considered old fogeys.

Love that we have another voice at the Beach House, honey, so keep us in the over-the-hill gang up on what's hot and new.

Viv said...

Sorry I took a short hiatus from the beach house comments, I generally like to avoid conflict at all costs. Alright, so I make a somewhat lousy conservative but I did find a funny group called Republican party (animals)and here's their statement:


We are not the stereotype of the typical Republican. We drink. We smoke. We cuss. We like The Simpsons and Family Guy, but we love South Park. We are Goldwater Girls Gone Wild and cynical punk rockers and drunk frat boys and bong-toting Burkeans and chain smoking blue collars and right-wing ravers and conservative clubbers and postmodern iconoclasts and Wall Streeters partying like it's 1982.

We are metalheads and deadheads and parrotheads. Our heroes include Johnny Ramone, Jonah Goldberg, Greg Gutfeld, Hank Jr., P.J. O'Rourke, Alice Cooper, Gene Simmons, Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry, Ted Nugent, Neal Peart of Rush, Kid Rock, Andy Levy, Andrew Breitbart and Frank Kelly Rich. We love Ronald Reagan and PBR with straight shots, and Margaret Thatcher and fine cigars with Scotch. We often lean more libertarian than traditional conservative on certain issues, and would love to kick the ass of anyone wearing a Che t-shirt. We care a helluva lot more about a candidate's tax policy than past drug use. We are well informed on pop culture, the latest music, and Milton Friedman. We read National Review, Ayn Rand, and The Onion. Our religious beliefs range from devout to atheist, but we are more likely to be nursing a hangover on Sunday morning than in a church pew. And we are getting damn tired of people exclaiming, "YOU'RE a Republican?!?!"

Anywho, sorry we got on politics. I'm merely sticking to the dating scene. I'm actually on my way out to a polo match! Hopefully, I will be able to court a potential suitor. (:

LDouglas said...

You can listen to Max, Miss Vonvoot. He does know how to use song lyrics. ;-)

I googled the last words of my last blog "no water, no grapes, no wine" to see if they were part of any song lyrics and a rap song came up. It was so offensive though, I didn't even make it half way through...

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