An old post card of the Indian River County courthouse and an old (embellished) joke to go with it:A small town prosecuting attorney called his first potential juror to the stand- an older, yet fabulous woman. He approached her and asked, "Ma'am, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Seymour. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Ma'am, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Sullivan since he was a youngster and he too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted and has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Not to mention, he's cheated with three different women in the last year and one them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
At this point, Judge Wild banged his gavel, which brought the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Seymour. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Ma'am, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Sullivan since he was a youngster and he too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted and has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Not to mention, he's cheated with three different women in the last year and one them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
At this point, Judge Wild banged his gavel, which brought the courtroom to silence and called both counselors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair."
So children, y'all can surmise that Miss Vero was disqualified from jury duty yesterday. Praise the lawd and pass the gin and juice! Now y'all know we wouldn't have minded doin our civic duty one bit and we actually went to court willingly. That being said, Miss Vero has a little advice for y'all that do get called in:
#1 Do a little homework or at least pay attention to the damn video, they hafta show y'all. Understand what this means- "Innocent until proven guilty" and this- "The State bears the Burden of Proof" and this-"Beyond a reasonable doubt". If y'all go in knowin that, it'll save the rest of us three hours of the attorneys explainin it all to you stoopid, prejudice types.
#2 Don't dress like y'all are shoppin at the cottin pickin Walmart. At least put on your Sunday-go-to-meetin clothes and leave those flip flops at the beach.
If Miss Vero can get through this y'all have no excuse. In fact we're feelin so civic minded, we just might attend the IRC Commission luncheon tomorrow:
Last Tuesday the PJ reported that the luncheon was on June 4th, thank goodness some one posted a comment that reported the correct date of June 11th. Really, how hard is for a newspaper to get their facts straight?
MWAH!
1 comment:
Miz Vero,
You know the PJ's motto:
"Facts? Facts? We don't need no stinkin' facts!"
Love and Juris-prunejuice
Jethro
Post a Comment