Thursday, October 9, 2008


Today, in honor of National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Miss Vero brings y'all the tale of a Miss B. Haviors Tata's and the shameful way that the help is treated by clueless elitists. We present this story at the risk of never being allowed to be in the Royal presence of the du Roselands again!

No matter, we're sure, in our very "Red" county, that they'll just "import" their help, as do the principles of Windsor and the exclusives at the Red Stick club. Of course there is always a risk of importing a TB scare, like that one time, but oh well! It's sooo much better than creating minimum wage jobs for the locals who would probably embarrass us or expose our secrets....

Oh, sorry y'all, Miss Vero digresses, 'nother story, 'nother day, where were we?

Ah yes, the tale of Miss B. Havior's Tatas...

"It’s my favorite time of the year, ya’ll. Not only do we getta’dress up like heathens n’ ho’s on Halloween, it is National TaTa Awareness Month! Ya’ll should know, that I’ve always thought my TaTa’s had special powers. All I had ta’ do was point ‘em in the right direction and stand up straight and POW! Men became mesmerized and women cowered. These TaTa’s got some heavy mojo and I’d like to keep ‘em.

Regretfully, the du Roselands don’t provide me with health insurance. I know ya’ll are thinkin’ I should just point these majestic TaTa’s at the du Roseland’s and make them do my bidding.. But hunnies (as Miss Vero would say) that pair are as blind as bats, reeking of gin.

But I just gotta’ have one of those “Mammy-grams,” so I made me some phone calls. Not being a shy and retiring southern belle, I also asked for an appointment and a discount, ‘cause it’s TaTa awareness month! This is what I found out…..

Indian River Medical Center - doesn’t “do” um.

Sebastian River Medical Center - does ‘em, but no one seems to know if there is a discount (or either the regular cash price). I’ll let ya’ll know if I get a return call from ‘em.

Indian River Radiology- doesn’t “do” um.

Vero Radiology Associates – does ‘em. Every year they offer a discount in October. $149.00 (reduced from $210.00)

Sebastian Radiology Associates – does ‘em. They’re the new kids on the block. Their price is $50.00! Jumpin’ Jehosephat! I now know who’s squeezing the TaTa’s tomorrow."

Just called them to verify, yup! $50 bucks or $25 each dependin how y'all look at it!

And a one final thought...

And now to get the flow of testosterone back for all of our manly man Beach House readers, would law enforcement and big trucks do the trick? We thought so hunnies, here's a picture that Miss Vero just had to snap the other day that seems perfect for the occasion. Looks like potential Indian River County Sheriff Mr. Loar, certainly has some friends in high places!

Here's to hoping that Mr. Loar is as good a sport as our previous favorite bubba for Sheriff, Captain Bill McMullen and that he doesn't mind being featured in the company of some Boobies and Tatas!



BlessUrHeart said...

Thanks for the cost comparison - we should all protect "the girls" best we can. Used to be Vero Radiology had a 1/2 price deal in Oct. -- damn, who can afford health care much less gas?

Now, dear, where do we find 1/2 price martinis?

Oh, speakin' of "boobies," if you are into nature and the blue-footed kind, read this:

The other boobies might come out, too, though, you never know?

Anonymous said...

Ooohh, ouch. I vote for more women in medicine. Haha

Your funny story about Miss B. Havior's "TaTas" reminds me of a t-shirt I saw recently on a man walking out of a restaurant in Sebastian. It said "Would you tell your "TaTas" (but with an i, not any a's) to stop staring at my eyes".

Anyway, thanks for the tip on where to find an affordable mammogram. Here's a site I go to almost everyday to help women afford mammograms (even though I refuse to get one every year):

I go right down the row of the tabs on top. (Hunger, Breast Cancer, Child health, Literacy, Rainforest, and Animal Rescue.) It takes me about a minute and while it's not the same as going out and volunteering time, it's at least something.

I also like to start my gift shopping there, especially Christmas as a lot of products are fair trade, hand made and the profits go to something good.

TaTa for Now, Lola

Miss B. Havior said...

Wow Lola,

That was a nice site. Me and the nefarious companion just bought a goat.

BlessUrHeart said...

That is a great site, Lola, I try to remember to click every day -- started with the rain forest and then found the others. Thanks for reminding us!

I have been dodging the smash-o-gram, too -- too many reasons. Not good ones. The chicks that used to do mine said they had a competition among each other who could stand the most pain. Not sure the women are so gentle as the guys. ;-)

Anonymous said...

Miss B. Havior,
A goat for a Rhandan (sp?) family? I've always dreamed of getting a goat to eat the vines. But I figured it would end up not eating them and then I'd have to pull the vines AND take care of the goat.

blessurheart, Glad to hear you visit those sites too. I'm not sure my reasons for not wanting a mammogram are good or not but I'm glad I never had them done where you've had them done. Lol


(I still can't get my google blogger name to work...)