DISASTER!

Well, now y'all know how we feel about that.


But come on, disaster? Yes it rained and yes, it flooded, but Miss Vero has been around Florida too long to think this is unusual. The only thing new is the availability of digital cameras, internet access and political photo ops -Hello Gubna Charlie! Like we told y'all yesterday, we live in a swamp.

We finally ventured out and went to visit our good friend, Dr. John, who made the very precise observation that if y'all fly over the state, it'll make you wonder how it's possible for anyone to live here at all. Among his many abilities, Dr. John is also a pilot. We are still wondering why WZZR doesn't give him his own damn show.

We have another friend from high school who went on to become a hydro geologist for Dade County and when we asked him about the aquifer, he told us - well let's just say it's not pretty. And for all of y'all that are out there splashin around in the new "lakes" in your neighborhood, well hunnies, look up these words - "cesspools" which are sometimes inhabited by "watermocasins". If those two ideas don't get y'all out them damn puddles, we don't know what will.


MISS VERO'S SECRET



Ok, it's time to fess up. We've been listening to Rhett Palmer. Yes we know, crazy, but true. But kids, ever since he made the claim that he was at Woodstock, we have wondered what else would come out his silly mouth and now that it's election time, he's had a lot of the local candidates on and we get to hear what comes out of their silly mouths too.

A few things that made us laugh and cringe:

So we're driving back from Dr. John's yesterday and Rhett is telling this story about trying to interview Mike Wallace and things keep going wrong and he doesn't get the interview. Then "by divine intervention" he meets Wallace in a movie theater and because he's been such a pest (he even knows he's a pest!) he finally gets the interview. Now the funny part is when Rhett says "divine intervention", his co-host David Walsh (who we love!) says "because God has nothing better to do than intervene for you"!

Then one day, Rhett has all four republican Indian River County Sheriff candidates on his show and announces that "one of these men will be the next Sheriff". Ok, so that pretty much means that if you are a democrat or non-party affiliate you're screwed in Indian River County. Hmm, should we even be surprised?

Speaking of republican conservatives, what's up with Charlie Wilson? He proudly runs his "conservative" radio and print ads taking the moral high ground and NOT wanting to teach sex education in schools, but is well known around town for leering at every blond that crosses his path.

Yes, let's apply the "just say no" technique to sex, because it worked so well for the drug problem.


Oh yeah children, Miss Vero is calling everyone out on the playground today.


Overheard and reported to Miss Vero:

At Tuesday's soggy county commission meeting, commissioner "A" asking commissioner "B" if commissioner "C" is "Miss Vero". Now y'all know we love the attention, but don't these people have more important matters of discussion or a county to run while a "disaster" tropical storm is looming? Ooops, rhetorical questions, sorry.


We were actually thinking of attending that particular meeting but an email from the Indian River County Emergency guy Tony Carper (no offence but we really miss Nate McCollum), said to stay home. Stay home means don't go anywhere right? So we didn't go, we watched the meeting later that day on their website and we noticed for the first time that they have something called an "invocation" before the meeting, which is a prayer!

Let's review:
Things that don't exist in Iran - Atheists, Homosexuals and Sex Education.
Things that don't exist in Indian River County - Atheists, Homosexuals and Sex Education.


Miss Vero is one that does not like to mix religion with politics or vice-a-versa and yesterday,when we were done laughing at, um we mean, listening to Mr. Palmer we turned our attention to NPR where this interesting discussion of that particular subject was featured:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=93844916


And here's the article - "More Americans Question Religion's Role In Politics,
Some Social Conservative Disillusionment"

http://people-press.org/report/445/religion-politics


We said this before and we'll say it again, Miss Vero would like to point out that we feel the same way about some one's religion as we do about some one's penis - only bring it to light when asked and never, ever, try to shove it down some one else's throat.

The last time we uttered those words was in our very third installment of the Beach House (read May 2nd post "Forgotten Vero Beach") where we discussed the French Quarter restaurant. Maybe it was all the disaster flooding that ironically had us dining there again last night.

Kids, the place was packed! Chef Ian sure is doing something right, maybe it's the Thursday night lobster special. We were just happy to see one of our favorite people, Miss Anna, formally of Charlie's South Beach (another closed Vero restaurant). We can always count on Miss Anna to be absolutely charming and we adore the fact that her wine knowledge always makes us happy.

HERSTORY TOMORROW

We hear that there's a luncheon tomorrow, sponsored by NOW (the National Organization for Women). Here's the contact info:

Indian River NOW: Celebrate Women's Equality Day. Marsh Landing Restaurant, 44 N. Broadway, Fellsmere, 11:30 a.m. $16-$20. at the door. Registration: (772) 794-7773

http://marshlandingrestaurant.com/

Miss Vero has fond memories of way back when little Miss Vero had herself a job as a press liaison in Washington D.C. for NOW. But that was then and this is NOW now. A tamer version of the fiesty NOW, this is a quaint little group in Indian River County that are giving a forum to the women candidates and more importantly commemorating the anniversary of the woman's right to vote. Fellsmere, for all of y'all that don't know, was the first city in Florida to allow women to vote - five years before the 19th Amendment.

http://www.flcities.com/membership/city_trivia_fellsmere.asp

So it's fittin that there should be a luncheon at Marsh Landing and we think we will pop in and say hello to Miss Fran Adams, the queen of Fellsmere and Miss Sarah the mayor (if she's in attendance). In case y'all haven't noticed we sure do like Fellsmere. Did y'all noticed they weren't whining about floodin, they just got out the ole airboats and got around just fine. Not like these people:

ELITIST GOLFERS

Told to us by a John's Island resident - "Apparently after just getting off the phone with "God" and demanding that the rain stop, the next call was to the club demanding that the golf course open. Whomever this particular person is darhling, could not understand why his demand was not met and complained loudly to other club members."

Seems that some golfers are impatient to get back to their resource draining pass time, even Miss Vero got an email from our own club that assured us that all was being done to solve the drainage problems. One more time people - WE LIVE IN A SWAMP!

We're still sorting out our emails but here's a really great picture from our friend and beach real estate queen, Barbara Martino-Silva, who ventured out on the beach after the storm: http://activerain.com/blogsview/654336/WABASSO-BEACH-LIFEGUARD-STATION

And check this out! Another friend, who would like us to call him the "Irritable Chimp" (and Miss Vero will happily comply), sent us the coolest thing ever! We just, love, love, love this: http://verotube.com/

OK! We done wore out our welcome today! We know y'all were a little disappointed this week, cause we didn't keep y'all that entertained during the storm, but we sure hope we made up for it today. Thanks for all the emails!

Time to mix up the martinis and get ready for the weekend, see y'all Monday!

MWAH!

missvero@live.com

MUCK IN FELLSMERE

Nope, this is NOT in Fellsmere, however, Miss Vero will explain all in due time chickadees.

Yesterday we stuck our tow in the muck that is Fellsmere, but Miss Vero bets that few of y'all know the history of this town. Fellsmere, believe it or not, was once in the running to be the capital of Florida, it sure was conveniently located in the center of the state. Fellsmere also had the distinct honor of having women vote in 1915, four years before the amendment to the constitution. There was a railroad connecting Fellsmere to Sebastian and a cattle trail west to Tampa. There was also another city called Brooksville, which was wiped off the map completely by some nasty Florida weather (sound familiar?). Anyhoo, there's a ton of this sort of info in the Library if-in y'all are interested and Miss Vero has better things to do than to keep teachin y'all history.
http://www.cityoffellsmere.org/

What Miss Vero will do is give you a quickie, day tripping tour of what to see and do. First - drive real slow cause the Fellsmere po-po are very attentive to that speed limit thang. In fact get yoself a designated driver because y'all know with Miss Vero, there will be alkeehol involved. Go to Giseppee's and have the best damn pizza in the county. Don't argue with us, it is the best damn pizza.

Then take a little riding tour of downtown on a street known as Broadway, this should take you about a minute. Or, just park and hoof it around but don't miss the historic church or the old Fellsmere Inn that some fool bought from Miss Margaret and thinks they can turn a profit. Miss Vero really liked the days when the previous owner and Fellsmere native, Miss Margaret had her little funky antique shop there. Again, another place with a lot of forgotten history.

By now y'all will have noticed Marsh Landing.
http://www.florida-secrets.com/Restaurants/EC/Marsh.htm

Go on in and look at all the groovey pics and stuff on the walls. Maybe, if-in y'all are lucky, Miss Fran Adams will be there, she is the owner and the Queen of Fellsmere. Start the cocktail hour at their new bar (Miss Vero is thrilled to see Miss Fran serving alkeehol!). Get your driver a sweet tea in a mason jar to sip on. Profusely apologize for not eatin there, not because the food's not fabulous, but because y'all just had the best damn pizza at Guiseppe's and we must save room for alkeehol. Promise Miss Fran y'all will be back and keep that promise.

Now comes the fun part. Drive west on 512 towards nowhere till y'all see the "Sugar Shack" on the right. Sit yoself down at the bar and try to get drunker than the bartender. Just try, Miss Vero can't even do it! and we're not talkin about Big Barb neither. By the way, ask about Big Barb, Miss Vero always liked her. Get everyone riled up big time by askin who "Damian Gilliams" is. This is where the designated driver comes in handy, cause now it's time to go.

YEEHAW JUCTION - GATEWAY TO KENANSVILLE!

Tell your driver that y'all want to go to YeeHaw Junction. Of course the driver will think y'all are stoopid drunk and while this is probably the case, somehow convince them to take you to YeeHaw. At the corner of route 60 and 441, take notice of the Desert Inn, where they "Always pass all health inspections". Good thing cause, y'all might just have to stay there some day, maybe that day. http://www.desertinnrestaurant.com/

Drive north on 441 over and under the Florida turnpike that bypassed and thereby killed a town called Kenansville. At the corner of 441 and Canoe Creek Road, take a left.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenansville,_Florida

It is there in the ghost town of Kenansville, that you will find two remarkable things. First on the left the (reportedly original) Heartbreak Hotel of Elvis fame. Stop in, somebody fixed it up real cute and they have a little gift shop and everything.
http://www.ghosttowns.com/states/fl/kenansville.html

And second, just a little ways down the road, you will see that sign posted at the beginning of today's story, The Lake Marion Restaurant and Grocery - which has the BEST CATFISH IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA! And don't go tellin Miss Vero about Lightsey's down in Okeechobee, we know all about that. Besides, The Lake Marion Restaurant also has the best swamp cabbage. By now y'all should be needin somethin to soak up the alkeehol. Enjoy!

Now go brush up on your Florida history and make Miss Vero proud, cause tomorrow we have a real treat for y'all:

SUPER DELUXE EDITION OF THE BEACH HOUSE - CHARLIE CRIST PIPER VISIT, RUSS LEMMON SIGHTING, FABULOUS PARTY AT THE UNDERTOW, MISS VERO'S SEX AND THE CITY SOIREE

So we'll see y'all tomorrow, right?

MWAH!

missvero@live.com